Intellectual discussion...Really?

 If you make people think they’re thinking, they’ll love you; but if you really make them think, they’ll hate you.                                       

                                                                                    Donald Robert Perry Marquis

I have had several interesting discussions over the past two weeks. I am always shocked when people make propositions and then don’t want to talk about it. What’s up with that?

Are we really having an “intellectual discussion” if you make a statement and then don’t want to talk about it? If so… please let me know before you make your comment that you are not looking for a response.

This brings to mind a question; is there ever a topic (i.e. belief or feeling) that should not be discussed?   

Most people probably think of politics or religion with regards to this topic, but I would also throw in exercise and nutrition to the mix.

It seems to me the only time these topics are open for discussion, without anger, is when someone shares the same beliefs.

Take these for example…

~ Why would you get mad at me when I ask you why you believe the rich (over 200,000 per year) should bear more of the tax burden?

~ Is it off limits for me to ask you why you believe you get seventy two virgins when you martyr yourself?

~ When someone comments, “I feel like Yoga is the best exercise to make my abs flat and my butt toned”…Is it not my responsibility as a trainer to ask you to clarify that statement…and why would you get upset when I ask?

Shouldn’t we want to have an intellectual discussion about “all” of these topics so that we can clarify our position?? We don’t have to agree with each other, but can’t we at least respect the need for the other person to understand our position?

If I may quote from the movie Talladega Nights - The Legend of Ricky Bobby”… “Can we not resolve this conflict without anger?”

So why is it for most, when confronted with facts that are true (regardless of our prior understanding) we do not change our point of view or courses of action? Instead we try to justify our position even more tenaciously.

Unfortunately, this type of thinking distorts our reality, deludes our perspective, and prevents us from gathering all the information we need to assess a proposition clearly.

We end up inheriting or adopting misguided opinions about ourselves and the world that we cling to and refuse to surrender. So certain are we of being “right” that our convictions lock us into fixed dogmatic positions, which become a form of intellectual death.

The next time you are having an intellectual discussion and feel threatened, stop and ask yourself, “Why am I disturbed or angered by the other persons position?” Then ask, “Why do I feel the need to criticize, distort, or dismiss your opinion so that I can maintain or even strengthen my existing belief?”

What are we looking for…truth or comfort?

The journey toward enlightenment begins with an awareness of our ignorance.

Saying, “I don’t know” is not a sign of weakness… it’s a sign of self confidence and a humbled ego.

A person on a “true” intellectual journey will make a sincere effort to seek knowledge and respect the expertise of others. It’s also making a statement; “I will not be content with my knowledge and I am not satisfied with my opinion.” 

When we sit down and recount the conversations of our day, if there was ever a moment of cognitive conflict, we must stop condemning others. If I am disturbed or angered by your position, no matter what the topic, there must something wrong with me.

(I am very disturbed with piety and ignorance…"I" need to work on it)

In the end…It is my responsibility to take an introspective look at my position, and why it has that effect on me. Whoever is upsetting me most could my best teacher. I have much to learn from him or her who creates this cognitive fire ball of irrational emotions. 

The next time we propose our position to someone, realize we are opening ourselves up for scrutiny. If you are correct, you have just educated someone…If you are wrong, you have just become wiser. Isn’t that what it’s all about?

Wisdom is not a product of schooling but of the lifelong attempts to acquire
it.                                                                                                                  

                                                                            Albert Einstein

The Most Interesting Trainer in the World...

* Some of the things in this post are fiction...most are true. It's kind of like a Dan Brown novel 

~ I once missed a lift… just to see what it felt like

~ Patrick Dempsey has my picture on his refrigerator

~ I once tried to walk through the gym without looking in the mirrors to see if I could find my way around.

~ Medical text wants to display me as the new Vitruvian Man 

~ I was going to be in the movie, “Fast and Furious”, but I was too fast and too furious 

~ If you were to meet me...you would feel compelled to ask me to take my shirt off

~ Kim Kardashian has a statue of my butt by her pool   

~ Jack La Lanne once photo shopped my body on to his picture

~ Ladies would rather chat with me than chat with other ladies

~ People ask me for my autograph… just to watch my hands flex

~ If I were to give you a spot (help you with your lift)… you would miss your lift intentionally, just so you could watch me lift the weight off of you

~ People ask me to hold their babies… just to look at my forearms

~ Mirrors love to reflect my image

~ I was once tried out to be Sylvester Stallone’s body double in Rambo V…but I was too muscular

~ Under armor begged me to display their shirts on my body

~ Producers wanted to change the fantastic 4 to the fantastic 5… just to include me

~ People "accidentally" turn off the lights to get a better look at the definition in my calves (definition shows better in natural light)

~ People like to ask me what to eat...not because the’re listening...but because the’re watching

~ Arnold once asked me a question

~ I started my career as a jock model (athletic supporter)

~ My looks create a conundrum for my wife

~ I once sued Joe Weider for copying my principles…and won

~ Men often ask me to hug their wives

~ Doctors consult me

~ Angelina Jolie once stalked me

~ I shave my back and give the hair to locks of love (hair must be 6 inches or longer)

~ I have turned down several spandex modeling contracts

~ Did I mention Angelina Jolie once stalked me?

~ Nike once asks me...How do you do it?

Stay thirsty my friends  

Because it Feels Good

After my last blog “In Pursuit”, I received some interesting comments. This is one of the comments submitted by “Danny.” If you will allow me, I would like to interject a few comments to his well thought out response…

Danny: In the end it is only the pursuit of what feels good. Ask any man or woman why she does something and the end result will always be "because it feels good". At least that is what Dr. Krebbs my philosophy professor told me in his class.

Kelly: “Because it feels good.” While I concur with this statement, I would also propose that this is the very problem with modern day society. We now live in an immediate gratification society.

You may ask, “Haven’t we always been this way?”…and I would argue no...Not to the extent we see in modernity. I know when I was a kid; (1970-1980) I would get my ass beat (literally) when I did things that were not in my best interest. Having said that, I am not proposing we start “beating asses” to fix this problem, but what I am saying is that there was a bad association with me seeking and embarking on things that “made me feel good”…when I had been told otherwise.  The Frontal Lobe of our brain (the executor of our behavior) doesn’t fully mature until the age of twenty five…so as a parent, it is our responsibility to govern the desires of our youth so that our children can understand the consequences of “because it feels good.”

Danny: It makes sense. What we have to achieve to become better human beings is not to try to deny our compulsion for that good feeling but to temper which ones we pursue in order to achieve it. We want the hedons (the measurement of what is good). In order to function well in society a human should try to find ways of feeling good that don't interfere with another person’s pursuit of the same.

Kelly: So true Danny…we have to discern between the pleasures that are not worth having because they lead to greater pains (affairs, drugs, unhealthy eating)… and acknowledge some pains that are worthwhile when they lead to greater pleasures. (Studying, exercising, cleaning the house)

My strategy/plan for attaining a maximal amount of pleasure overall is being disciplined and intentional in the path leading toward my goal, while not seeking instant gratification of the moment or doing things just to feed the ego.

Danny: Ironic, that is one of the best ways to gratify ourselves is the dopamine triggering mechanism that occurs when you gratify others. This is empathy and it allows for greater success as a species. You see it in humans and some other societal animals like wolves in a wolf pack. An incredibly effective internal drive that allows a species to thrive.

Kelly: How great is the paradox of helping others to help ourselves. I would propose this is one of the greatest virtues, and flaws, within mankind. Here we are…helping each other…almost completely unaware of the crippling effect that occurs while doing so. As part of the greatest species that has ever walked the earth, we seem completely blind to the interference of natural selection. Even within the wolf pack you mentioned, the mothers will sometimes eat their young or not allow their cubs to suckle their breast when there is no hope for a normal life. Now I’m not suggesting we should kill our infants when there is a birth defect; I’m speaking more on the later stages of human development. (Our teens and young adults) When is helping hurting?

There is a story of a young man wanting to become a Buddhist monk…he is waking down a long winding road with an elder monk. The boy and the monk come upon an old man working on his broken down wagon. The boy wants to run to the old man and help, but the monk grabs his hand and says, “Keep walking.” The boy is perplexed by the monk’s response. About a mile down the road the boy turns to the monk and asked, “Why didn’t we help that poor man?”…the monk replies, “We just did.”

The obvious message is, don’t let your "self serving dopamine responses" (i.e. helping others so that you feel good...at the expense of growth for that person) interfere with the maturing benefits of "doing it yourself."
Serve when service is "truly" needed.

Thanks for your response...if anyone is having a difficult time responding to this post, please respond to khfitness@aol.com. I will post for you.