Hiding Things from Myself

        “Lying to ourselves is more ingrained than lying to others.” -Fyodor Dostoyevsky
             


It’s funny sometimes how the most enlightening words can come from such innocent moments.

Kim and I were watching TV this past weekend when a shout came from the back room…

“Mom…have you seen my shoes?”

(Konnor had misplaced his shoes again)

Kim responded…. “No.”

“Dad…have you seen my shoes?”

I responded… “No.” Then I asked, “Why would mom or I know where your shoes are? You were the last to wear them”

Konnor yelled out, “found them”… “They were behind my door”

Konnor came walking through the living room and said, “Sometimes I feel like I’m trying to hide things from myself.”

Wouldn’t it be nice if we could all be so insightful?

"I'm going to start a diet"

                                 “The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph.”

                                                                                      ~Thomas Paine

Remember when you’re thinking, “I’m going to start a diet”… that most times this has more to do with a change in lifestyle than a change in nutrition. We are always trying to have our diets “fit” our lifestyle, rather than adapting our lifestyle to “fit” our diet.

In one of the most recent studies show people who were 50 pounds overweight (and lost it) only had a 3% success rate in keeping their weight off for a 3 year period.

I believe this is because we look at food as our “only” culprit. We spend so much time micromanaging our calories, carbs, and fats (and workout programs) that we fail to acknowledge that it is our current lifestyle that has us where we are.

(Could you imagine an alcoholic trying to stop drinking… but refusing to stop going to the bar? Probably wouldn’t be very successful)

We all start out creating a lifestyle that eventually defines who we become. These are just a few questions you should consider before focusing on food…

~ What is it about my lifestyle that has me where I’m at?

~ Do I want this lifestyle more than I want to be fit?

~ How realistic is it for me to achieve my goals by continuing to live as I do?

Before changing your diet, remember this…Your current “lifestyle” (money, relationships, food) has been created by your past choices…It is the “new” lifestyle choices you choose today that will create the future you. 

Changing your lifestyle changes your diet.

Changing your diet changes your life.  

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

                                    

                                                "What a man can be, he must be”

                                                                                ~ Abraham Maslow

My last Blog focused on the anatomy of the mind. (Id, Ego, Super-ego…Brain stem, limbic system, and Neo cortex)

Now you may be wondering… “Why is he (Kelly) focusing on all this Id, ego, and psychological crap?”… “I just want to know how to eat right and how to exercise.”

(I have had several gym comments and emails complaining about my lack of nutritional/exercise input)

I have mentioned before that personal awareness precedes personal transformation. The overwhelming reason most of us fail is because we are ignorant of the hard wired biological drives and the psychological conditioning that is working against our efforts. Discussing food and exercise is pointless without understanding the traits that make us do what we do.

“We have met the enemy and he is us”

(Please be patient and continue to read my blog…I do have a plan, and eventually I will get to the nutrition and exercise information…When we are ready.)

Have you ever heard the phrase, “You have to know where you are before you can know where your going?”

I would like to proceed in our “Health” journey by fusing neural anatomy with our psychological needs. 

I think the best place is to begin with Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow's_hierarchy_of_needs

Abraham Harold Maslow (April 1, 1908 – June 8, 1970) was an American professor of psychology who created Maslow's hierarchy of needs. He stressed the importance of focusing on the positive qualities in people, as opposed to treating them as a 'bag of symptoms.”  ---Wikipedia

Maslow, unlike other psychologist, studied what he called “exemplary people” such as Albert Einstein, Jane Addams, Eleanor Roosevelt, and Frederick Douglass rather than mentally ill or neurotic people, writing that… "The study of crippled, stunted, immature, and unhealthy specimens can yield only a cripple psychology and a cripple philosophy."

Maslow studied the healthiest 1% of the college student population. Maslow's theory was proposed in his 1954 book Motivation and Personality.

Maslow's theory suggests that the most basic level of needs must be met before the individual will strongly desire (or focus motivation upon) the secondary or higher level needs.

I personally believe that Maslow’s proposal is one of the most effective tools for understanding where you are in your level of psychological health. If you will be open, honest, and willing to learn…you will have the best possible chance for success when the

time comes for you to “take action” and move up the ladder in your hierarchy of needs.

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs

~ Physiological Needs

These include the most basic needs that are vital to survival, such as the need for water, air, food and sleep. Maslow believed that these needs are the most basic and instinctive needs in the hierarchy because all needs become secondary until these physiological needs are met.

~ Security Needs

People want to control and to have order in their lives, so this need for safety and security contributes largely to behaviors.

Some of the basic security and safety needs include: Financial security, heath and wellness, and safety against accidents and injury. Together, the safety and psychological levels of the hierarchy make up what is often referred to as the basic needs.

(Again these “basic needs” resemble the “id” that Freud referred to)

~ Social Needs

These include needs for belonging, love and affection. Maslow considered these needs to be less basic than physiological and security needs. Relationships such as friendships, romantic relationships and families help fulfill this need for companionship and acceptance, as does involvement in social, community or religious groups.

~ Esteem Needs

After the first three needs have been satisfied, esteem needs becomes increasingly important. These include the need for things that reflect on self-esteem, personal worth, social recognition and accomplishment.

(The security needs, social needs and esteem needs are limbic driven ego attachments)

~ Self-actualizing Needs

(Moving into the superego…The Neo-cortex)

This is the highest level of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Self-actualizing people are self-aware, concerned with personal growth, less concerned with the opinions of others and interested fulfilling their potential.

(Philosophy fans may recognize a similar theme from Nietzsche’s definition of Uberman…  (Supermen) “People who experiment with life and are constantly in the process of becoming something other (better) than what they once were.”)

Self-actualization people (supermen) are located at the peak of Maslow’s hierarchy… he described this high-level need in the following way.

"What a man can be, he must be.”

Maslow…“This need we may call self-actualization…It refers to the desire for self-fulfillment, namely, to the tendency for him to become actualized in what he is potentially. This tendency might be phrased as the desire to become more and more what one is, to become everything that one is capable of becoming."

~ Characteristics of Self-Actualized People

Maslow also identified some of the key characteristics of self-actualized people:

~Acceptance and Realism: Self-actualized people have realistic perceptions of themselves, others and the world around them.

~Problem-centering: Self-actualized individuals are concerned with solving problems outside of themselves, including helping others and finding solutions to problems in the external world. These people are often motivated by a sense of personal responsibility and ethics.

~Spontaneity: Self-actualized people are spontaneous in their internal thoughts and outward behavior. While they can conform to rules and social expectations, they also tend to be open and unconventional.

~Autonomy and Solitude: Another characteristic of self-actualized people is the need for independence and privacy. While they enjoy the company of others, these individuals need time to focus on developing their own individual potential.

~ Continued Freshness of Appreciation: Self-actualized people tend to view the world with a continual sense of appreciation, wonder and awe. Even simple experiences continue to be a source of inspiration and pleasure.

~ Peak Experiences: Individuals who are self-actualized often have what Maslow termed peak experiences, or moments of intense joy, wonder, awe and ecstasy. “After these experiences, people feel inspired, strengthened, renewed or transformed.^”

Conclusion:

Personal transformation demands an awareness of one’s psychological health within our hierarchy of needs.

Transformation includes…

~ Acknowledging “Who I am”

~ Recognizing my place within “my” hierarchy of needs

~ Emphatically state how I want my life to move forward

Always remember that our physical health is a reflection of our emotional health. If you are seeking the “Holy Grail” of fitness…look no further. You truly posse’s power that you never dreamed of, and can use those powers the moment you become aware of your internal drives/urges and the external attachments they are paired with. There are no limitations in what you can accomplish except the limitations of your own personal awareness. 

"Here in your mind you have complete privacy. Here there's no difference between what is and what could be."  ~ Chuck Palahniuk

“That a man can change himself… and master his own destiny is the conclusion of every mind that is wide-awake to the power of right thought”.

                                                                        Christian D. Larson

Id, Ego, and Super-Ego

"Men are conscious of their own desire, but are ignorant of the causes whereby that desire has been determined." ~Spinoza

How did they do it?

Every so often you have people who come along that completely transform the traditional paradigm…  It is truly a remarkable feat of genius and imagination. These are just a few examples…

~ Pythagoras…The Pythagorean Theorem

~ Copernicus…The Origins of the Universe

~ Newton…Calculus and the Button hook Theory

~ Darwin…Origins of the Species

Sigmund Freud is also one of those unique individuals. Freud is known as the father of psychoanalysis.  His basics objective was “to make the unconscious conscious.” Today, almost all therapies begin by trying to raise your level of awareness, increasing the amount of information available to you, and thus improving the likelihood of your making an intelligent decision concerning your problem.

Freud's investigations and observations of internal conflicts led him to an eventual division of the mind into three parts… three conflicting cognitive tendencies… the well-known id, ego, and super-ego.

It’s very important to remember that there were no fMRI’s (Functional magnetic resonance imaging) or PET (Position emission tomography) scans in existence at that time. This makes Freud’s observations all the more fascinating.   

This compartmentalization (id, ego, superego) is the separation of the mind into three structures and functions which exist in literal partitions in the brain…but more than structures, they are separate entities of the single structure of the mind. 

Today’s Neuroscientist can observe through modern technology the complex interaction of these structures that seem to be the very thing Freud was describing through his behavioral observation… * note the pairings

~ Brain Stem…Id

~ Limbic system…Ego

~ Neo Cortex…Super Ego

Let me give you a brief description of the characteristics of these cognitive structures.

Brain Stem…The brain stems functions are to control involuntary behavior that the conscious mind does not. (i.e. cardiac and respiratory) It is also responsible for the fight or flight mechanism. The brain stem is responsible for our main drives, “knows no judgment of value: no good and evil, no morality.”

(The Id)

Limbic System… The limbic system (LS) is power packed with functions. But for our purposes we will focus on the behavior aspects. The (LS) is the area of the brain (mid-brain) that colors our world. It is the area that allows mammals to experience and express passions, emotions and the desire to get things done. The (LS) area adds a “object” to the biological demands/desires of the brain stem.

(Very similar to the Ego)

Neo-cortex… The Neo-cortex (new mass) is what separates humans from other mammals.  It is the executor of our behavior…it watches, supervises, guides, directs, and focuses our behavior. It is also responsible for you to be appropriate, goal directed, socially responsible and effective.

(Sounds a lot like the super ego)

Now let’s take a look at the genius of what Freud proposed about the inner drives that create the conundrum of emotions that preside within us…the human species.

 

The id, the ego and the superego function at different levels of consciousness. Freud's theory of the mind depends upon the ability of impulses or memories to "float" from one level to another. The interaction between the three functions of the mind represents a constant movement of neurological impulses from one level to another.

The Id

As a baby emerges “Id-ridden” from the womb into life, he wants only to act on the drives and impulses of biology to eat, drink, urinate, defecate, find warmth, and gain sexual pleasure. (Also see Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs) These urges are the demands of the id, the most primitive motivational force. In pursuit of these ends, the id demands immediate gratification: it is ruled by the pleasure principle, demanding satisfaction now, regardless of circumstances and possible consequences. If a young girl was ruled entirely by her id, she would steal and eat a piece of chocolate from a store regardless of the consequences of the owner or even her parents standing beside her.

Freud… “The id will not stand for a delay in gratification. For some urges, such as thirst, is easily satisfied. However, if the urge is not immediately quenched, the id will form a memory of the end of the motivation: the thirsty infant will form an image of the mother's breast. This act of wish-fulfillment satisfies the id's desire for the moment, though obviously it does not reduce the tension of the unfulfilled urge.”

(Id-ridden…instinctive drives and impulses, and needs immediate satisfaction)

(Pleasure principle…the seeking of pleasure to avoid pain or un-pleasure aroused by increases in instinctual tension)

The Ego

The eventual awareness that immediate gratification is usually impossible…and often unwise… comes with the formation of the ego, which is ruled by the reality principle. The ego acts as a go-between in the id's relations with reality, often suppressing the id's urges until an appropriate situation arises. This repression of inappropriate desires and urges represents the greatest strain on, and the most important function of the mind. The ego often utilizes defense mechanisms to achieve and aid this repression. Where the id may have an urge and form a picture which satisfies this urge, (i.e. hunger) the ego engages in a strategy to actually fulfill the urge. The mature adult will now not only identifies food as the satisfaction of his “hunger” urge, but forms a plan to obtain food, perhaps by going to the pantry.

While the ego is still in the service of the id, it borrows some of its cognitive energy in an effort to control the urge until it is reasonably satisfied. The ego's effort of a practical satisfaction of urges eventually creates a great number of skills and memories and becomes aware of itself as an entity. With the formation of the ego, the individual becomes a self, instead of an amalgamation of urges and needs.

(The reality principle is the factual governor of the actions taken by the ego, and always opposes the pleasure principle of the Id)

The Superego

While the ego may temporarily repress certain urges of the id in fear of punishment, eventually these external sources of punishment are internalized, and the young girl mentioned earlier will not steal the chocolate, even unwatched, because she has taken punishment, right, and wrong into herself. The superego uses guilt and self-reproach as its primary means of enforcement for these rules. But if a person does something which is acceptable to the superego, he experiences pride and self-satisfaction.

The superego is sub-dividable into two parts: conscience and ego ideal. Conscience tells what is right and wrong, and forces the ego to inhibit the id in pursuit of morally acceptable, not pleasurable or even realistic, goals. The ego ideal aims the individual's path of life toward the ideal, perfect goals instilled by society, and fostered through habit. In the pursuit, the mind attempts to make up for the loss of the “perfect life” (i.e. instinctual desires) experienced as a baby.

Conclusion

To answer the question, “we know what to do…why we don’t do it?” one must understand our desires and where they manifest from. Reading psychology and evolutionary neural biology has helped me to understand these hardwired impulsive traits within our behavior.

Ultimately I, “superego” is responsible for my actions. There will always be desires from the Id… and it is my responsibility to make sure my superego enforces the pairings of the Ids needs and the egos attachments. Through this process we will learn to value the power of rational thought, and will increasingly rely on our enlightened insights in making critical decisions.

It is my hope that through education and personal reflection, we can all become aware of our inherited instinctual desires and what we pair those desires with, so that we can go forth and learn to guide those drives with the full activation of the superego.

As Francis Bacon concluded in his 1626 work New Atlantis…

“The end of our foundation is the knowledge of causes and the secret motions of things and the enlarging of the bounds of human empire, to the effecting of all things possible.”   

We Either Get it or We Don't

“Our lives improve only when we take chances and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves.”  -Walter Anderson

Why are we fat?

Is it because we are ignorant about nutrition and exercise? Do we really believe more resources can conquer this problem?

(I was training in the gym this morning and watched two ladies (nurses) from “Para___ Home Health Care” puff on their cigarettes in the parking lot…do they know the consequences regarding smoking? How about Cardiologists? If they are informed, why do they still smoke?)

Maybe success or failure can be helped a little with education and resources…but I think it has a lot to do with personal responsibility. How did we get to this place where we keep pretending/assuming that the solution to our obesity (addiction) crisis is more education?

Think about it…
~ We have more gyms
~ Supplement stores
~ Weight loss centers
~ Trainers/dieticians
~ Schools (Ha…this is a joke. I just wanted to see if you were paying attention)
~ Customized food labels
~ Michelle Obama
~ NFL 60 (NFL athletes advocating 60 min of exercise…what about food?)
~ Healthier food choices available
~ Internet “diet” experts are available 24 hours a day.

(I just Googled diets…6,000,000 matches came up)

If the answer to our problem is more education and more resources… shouldn’t we all be collectively becoming thinner and healthier? We’ve never had more tools available to counter this problem than anytime in our history. 

Ok, let’s be brutally honest… we know what to do (eat less, move more) but we don’t do what we know.

(“Why don’t we do what we know?”… My wife posed this question to me during my fruitless attempt to write “another” fitness book)

Why don’t we do what we know? Because we’re addicted.  (See… Your Brain on Porn)

http://yourbrainonporn.com/garys-research-addiction-food-humans-reward-decline-2010

Why don’t drug addicts, sex addicts, and food addicts do better once they are informed?
Because they’re addicted.

Sadly… we have more education… more resources and more ADDICTS.

The prevailing paradoxical dilemma of living in a world of abundance is the blind reward seeking drives of biology (i.e. Demand) paired with the excessive (readily available) stimulants in modern society. (i.e. Supply) Ironically, this lifestyle of “needs and needs met” is what we commonly refer to in America as being “blessed.”

While there are many variables which play a role in the fat equation, without doubt the biggest determinant of obesity is what we choose to put in our mouths… day in… day out. Unless there’s something I’m missing, I’m pretty sure that we don’t accidentally over eat or make poor food choices. When we consciously choose to eat food that we don’t need (while simultaneously wanting to lose weight) then maybe it’s time for a little honesty, acknowledgment and self-awareness.
   
“Lying to ourselves is more ingrained than lying to others.” -Fyodor Dostoyevsky
             
“You cannot change what you do not acknowledge”- Dr. Phil

The thing I like the most about Blogging is the fact that I don’t have to sugar coat certain issues and obvious facts because somebody somewhere is going to get offended. It has really become ridiculous. We have become a society that is too scared to say what everyone knows… So we conveniently dance around the elephant in the room and pretend its not there. (What an exhausting and totally passive concept)


 I think some health experts are more concerned with sending socially-acceptable, politically-correct messages and being popular with the masses than they are with speaking the obvious truth.
It seems to me that in an attempt to protect people’s “feelings” and keep this public conversation “happy”, we’re actually enabling people to destroy themselves (and their families) physically while we hold their hands and say “good job.” Maybe we should worry less about their emotional state in the short term, and focus more on their physical health over the next decade.

(We were not concerned with smoker’s emotional state when we moved them outside of the building)

If you say, “Someone eating and becoming obese, doesn’t effect me like a smoker blowing smoke in my face,” I would say your wrong. Have you ever looked at the current financial burden obesity related diseases has put on our medical system?

It affects us all.

(Just a thought while I’m on health care…Have you ever seen what kind of food is served in the hospitals?  Hmmmm…interesting)

My Passion:

If you are reading this Blog, some of you might have reached the conclusion that I’m an un-kind, un-sympathetic smart a _ _ who doesn’t care or understand the issues and challenges confronting people trying to lose weight. In reality, the opposite is true. The very thing that compels me to write these uncomfortable and confronting blogs is a reflection of how much I do care.   
That is… my desire to help people in a realistic and honest way. Please don’t confuse people who say nice comforting things with people who care. They’re often two separate groups with very different agendas.

What I’m interested in is honest discourse and progressive results. (Personally, the most enlightening conversations I have had with myself are not necessarily the most agreeable ones) It would be so easy for me to write feel-good blogs with diets and exercises, but that would still only be addressing the solution…NOT THE PROBLEM.

I am entering my twenty sixth year in the fitness business. Rarely has there been a day where I haven’t talked to somebody about their weight, their body, their feelings, or their personal challenges. I have had literally thousands of conversations regarding this very issue, so I am writing today with considerable thought, experience, insight and compassion.

While I’m very aware of the numerous variables that impact one’s physiology and one’s potential to achieve, twenty six years of one-on-one, real-world experience has taught me that, in most instances, success or failure, comes down to what we do with what we’ve been given.  “We either get it or we don’t”

                        “You make the choice…you choose the consequence”

“If I change my mind, will I change my choices? If I change my choices will my life change? Why can’t I change what I’m addicted too? When I change my addiction, what will I lose that I am chemically attached to? Maybe I don’t want to lose what I’m chemically attached to because I may have to experience the withdrawal from that. Hence the human drama”. - What the bleep do we know?

I'm Sorry

If I offend, I am sorry.

If I bring awareness, I am glad.

If I seem angry, I am not.

Personally, there are two choices for me in living life.

1. Apathetic life.

The life of apathy is one that is uninspired by virtue, and content with mediocrity. It means taking the road most traveled filled with compulsive anxieties and fixations that are directed by biology, societal patterns, and habits that enslave us to follow our emotions irrespective of how inappropriate, destructive, or self serving as they may be.

If the masses follow…then so be it.

2. Passionate life.

To live the passionate life is to intensely move forward on the road less traveled with intention and resolve. It is demanding consistency in what you profess, and continuity with what you do. It is not leading by example so that others will admire you…It is leading by example because you can’t imagine living any other way. The passionate life will often seem aggressive or pessimistic by traditional standards…but that is only because traditional standards cannot hold up to the unyielding expectations that passionate people demand, and expect, in “every” area of their lives.

If the masses are uncomfortable by it…then so be it.

Now you may say that there is a way to be both…But I would propose that passion with apathy is like fire with ice…eventually the fire will melt the ice that puts out the flame and creates luke warm water. You either are... or you are not. 

 "I prefer to be true to myself, even at the hazard of incurring the ridicule of others, rather than to be false, and to incur my own abhorrence... "

                                                                                    Frederick Douglass

 I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community and as long as I live it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die.  For the harder I work the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no brief candle to me. It’s a sort of splendid torch which I’ve got to hold up for the moment and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations”

                                                                                    George Bernard Shaw

How Do We Stop A Tsunami?

I have been very fortunate over the past week to be part of an intellectual discussion with one of the most respected U.S. Doctors in the fitness industry.

At the beginning of our discussion, I used my favorite allegorical story of Plato’s Charioteer to describe our neurological dilemma concerning impulsive behaviors.

If you are not familiar with the story, please read my blog regarding appetites.

http://kellyhitchcock.blogspot.com/2011/07/appetites.html

This is how our discussion began:

Kelly: How do you stop a stampede? (Stampede… referring to 68% of US adults being overweight or obese)

Dr:  “You can’t stop a stampede.  But both biology and a stampede can be guided and redirected.”  

The Dr. also stated, “it’s like using judo…you don’t stop a punch…you redirect it.”

The Docs insightful comments really made me reconsider my position.

I think the stampede analogy I used does a colossal disservice to the state of affairs that our country is experiencing.

Maybe a better question would have been, “How do we stop a Tsunami?”

What is a Tsunami?

The principal generation mechanism (or cause) of a tsunami is the displacement of a substantial volume of water or perturbation (agitation) of the sea. This displacement of water is usually attributed to landslides, volcanic eruptions, glacier calving or Tectonic shifts in the sea floor.

I am not aware of any known solution to stopping, controlling, or diverting the path of a Tsunami…other than just seeking higher ground.

Are we experiencing Tsunami in America?

The principal generation mechanism of an American Tsunami (i.e. obesity) is the overwhelming lack of impulse control and the apathetic perturbation (lack of concern to be alarmed…indifference to agitation) of our current social structure. The deterioration of impulse control is usually attributed to the supply and demand conundrum that accompanies a “highly evolved” (sarcasm) society.

Many of the paradoxical characteristics of this type of failed social structure are: 

~ Easy life begat sedentary lifestyle and a loss of fitness 

~ Abundance of food begat overweight health dilemmas

~ Boredom begat misguided/irrational anxiety and an unfulfilled purpose in life

~ Social network (i.e. 24 hour TV…news and reality shows, My Space, Face Book, Dating sites, etc.) begat false sense of reality and delusions of adequacy…24 hour limbic (impulsive) stimulation

Tsunami warning

In 2010 most surveys show that 68% of adult Americas are over weight or obese. 30% of school aged children fall into this same category. This is the first time in our species history that many parents are predicted to out live their children. 50% of marriages end in divorce and our country is trillions of dollars in debt. This has been/is our Tsunami warning.

The Aftermath

With great sadness, I propose we cannot stop, control, or use judo when it comes to the path of an American Tsunami. The tectonic shift in our social structure floor has thrust upon us a wave of addictions that can only be surfed by another impulsive action which ultimately brings us crashing back into the shore.

Those who have moved to a higher ground will only be able to set back and watch the cyclical destruction that comes from the societal undertow of a compulsive unrestrained life…slowly pulling people back into the sea of despair.

You have to die before you can be resurrected   

A new day will come and it will be our chance to do it all over again. What will we do?

Will we reconstruct our traditional society emphasizing the pleasure that results from the excesses of power, fame and the trivial pursuits in life?

Or will we create a new society that values virtue and emphasizes the absence of pain that comes with a life lived in moderation?

What will we do?

“Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it”

Intellectual discussion...Really?

 If you make people think they’re thinking, they’ll love you; but if you really make them think, they’ll hate you.                                       

                                                                                    Donald Robert Perry Marquis

I have had several interesting discussions over the past two weeks. I am always shocked when people make propositions and then don’t want to talk about it. What’s up with that?

Are we really having an “intellectual discussion” if you make a statement and then don’t want to talk about it? If so… please let me know before you make your comment that you are not looking for a response.

This brings to mind a question; is there ever a topic (i.e. belief or feeling) that should not be discussed?   

Most people probably think of politics or religion with regards to this topic, but I would also throw in exercise and nutrition to the mix.

It seems to me the only time these topics are open for discussion, without anger, is when someone shares the same beliefs.

Take these for example…

~ Why would you get mad at me when I ask you why you believe the rich (over 200,000 per year) should bear more of the tax burden?

~ Is it off limits for me to ask you why you believe you get seventy two virgins when you martyr yourself?

~ When someone comments, “I feel like Yoga is the best exercise to make my abs flat and my butt toned”…Is it not my responsibility as a trainer to ask you to clarify that statement…and why would you get upset when I ask?

Shouldn’t we want to have an intellectual discussion about “all” of these topics so that we can clarify our position?? We don’t have to agree with each other, but can’t we at least respect the need for the other person to understand our position?

If I may quote from the movie Talladega Nights - The Legend of Ricky Bobby”… “Can we not resolve this conflict without anger?”

So why is it for most, when confronted with facts that are true (regardless of our prior understanding) we do not change our point of view or courses of action? Instead we try to justify our position even more tenaciously.

Unfortunately, this type of thinking distorts our reality, deludes our perspective, and prevents us from gathering all the information we need to assess a proposition clearly.

We end up inheriting or adopting misguided opinions about ourselves and the world that we cling to and refuse to surrender. So certain are we of being “right” that our convictions lock us into fixed dogmatic positions, which become a form of intellectual death.

The next time you are having an intellectual discussion and feel threatened, stop and ask yourself, “Why am I disturbed or angered by the other persons position?” Then ask, “Why do I feel the need to criticize, distort, or dismiss your opinion so that I can maintain or even strengthen my existing belief?”

What are we looking for…truth or comfort?

The journey toward enlightenment begins with an awareness of our ignorance.

Saying, “I don’t know” is not a sign of weakness… it’s a sign of self confidence and a humbled ego.

A person on a “true” intellectual journey will make a sincere effort to seek knowledge and respect the expertise of others. It’s also making a statement; “I will not be content with my knowledge and I am not satisfied with my opinion.” 

When we sit down and recount the conversations of our day, if there was ever a moment of cognitive conflict, we must stop condemning others. If I am disturbed or angered by your position, no matter what the topic, there must something wrong with me.

(I am very disturbed with piety and ignorance…"I" need to work on it)

In the end…It is my responsibility to take an introspective look at my position, and why it has that effect on me. Whoever is upsetting me most could my best teacher. I have much to learn from him or her who creates this cognitive fire ball of irrational emotions. 

The next time we propose our position to someone, realize we are opening ourselves up for scrutiny. If you are correct, you have just educated someone…If you are wrong, you have just become wiser. Isn’t that what it’s all about?

Wisdom is not a product of schooling but of the lifelong attempts to acquire
it.                                                                                                                  

                                                                            Albert Einstein