If you make people think they’re thinking, they’ll love you; but if you really make them think, they’ll hate you.
Donald Robert Perry Marquis
I have had several interesting discussions over the past two weeks. I am always shocked when people make propositions and then don’t want to talk about it. What’s up with that?
Are we really having an “intellectual discussion” if you make a statement and then don’t want to talk about it? If so… please let me know before you make your comment that you are not looking for a response.
This brings to mind a question; is there ever a topic (i.e. belief or feeling) that should not be discussed?
Most people probably think of politics or religion with regards to this topic, but I would also throw in exercise and nutrition to the mix.
It seems to me the only time these topics are open for discussion, without anger, is when someone shares the same beliefs.
Take these for example…
~ Why would you get mad at me when I ask you why you believe the rich (over 200,000 per year) should bear more of the tax burden?
~ Is it off limits for me to ask you why you believe you get seventy two virgins when you martyr yourself?
~ When someone comments, “I feel like Yoga is the best exercise to make my abs flat and my butt toned”…Is it not my responsibility as a trainer to ask you to clarify that statement…and why would you get upset when I ask?
Shouldn’t we want to have an intellectual discussion about “all” of these topics so that we can clarify our position?? We don’t have to agree with each other, but can’t we at least respect the need for the other person to understand our position?
If I may quote from the movie Talladega Nights - The Legend of Ricky Bobby”… “Can we not resolve this conflict without anger?”
So why is it for most, when confronted with facts that are true (regardless of our prior understanding) we do not change our point of view or courses of action? Instead we try to justify our position even more tenaciously.
Unfortunately, this type of thinking distorts our reality, deludes our perspective, and prevents us from gathering all the information we need to assess a proposition clearly.
We end up inheriting or adopting misguided opinions about ourselves and the world that we cling to and refuse to surrender. So certain are we of being “right” that our convictions lock us into fixed dogmatic positions, which become a form of intellectual death.
The next time you are having an intellectual discussion and feel threatened, stop and ask yourself, “Why am I disturbed or angered by the other persons position?” Then ask, “Why do I feel the need to criticize, distort, or dismiss your opinion so that I can maintain or even strengthen my existing belief?”
What are we looking for…truth or comfort?
The journey toward enlightenment begins with an awareness of our ignorance.
Saying, “I don’t know” is not a sign of weakness… it’s a sign of self confidence and a humbled ego.
A person on a “true” intellectual journey will make a sincere effort to seek knowledge and respect the expertise of others. It’s also making a statement; “I will not be content with my knowledge and I am not satisfied with my opinion.”
When we sit down and recount the conversations of our day, if there was ever a moment of cognitive conflict, we must stop condemning others. If I am disturbed or angered by your position, no matter what the topic, there must something wrong with me.
(I am very disturbed with piety and ignorance…"I" need to work on it)
In the end…It is my responsibility to take an introspective look at my position, and why it has that effect on me. Whoever is upsetting me most could my best teacher. I have much to learn from him or her who creates this cognitive fire ball of irrational emotions.
The next time we propose our position to someone, realize we are opening ourselves up for scrutiny. If you are correct, you have just educated someone…If you are wrong, you have just become wiser. Isn’t that what it’s all about?
Wisdom is not a product of schooling but of the lifelong attempts to acquire
it.
it.
Albert Einstein
4 comments:
If people who make you angry are your teachers...all I can say, Kelly, is that over the years I've known you, you've had a LOT of teachers...ha!
Some people haven't reached the level of self-understanding that removes emotion from rational thought. Some never will and their ego will be an impenetrable barrier to reaching their full potential...but don't try to tell
Them that!!! One of the habits of highly successful people is "seek first to understand, then to be understood. I'll bet that conversely one of the habits of highly UN-successful people is that they seek first to be understood and never to understand.
Melissa...you know me too well. Very funny.
Danny...I like to think I speak from a position of knowledge...If im wrong, I am the first to admit it.
"dont speak unless you can improve silence"
What Kelly said... :)
And you said it very well.
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