Re-framing Negative Thinking

“The mind is its own place and in itself, can make a Heaven of Hell, a Hell of Heaven” - John Milton

What Is Cognitive Re-framing?

Re-framing is a way of changing the way you look at something and, thus, changing your experience of it. (Our words are important) 

How Re-framing Affects Stress

Using re-framing techniques can actually change your physical responses to stress because your body's stress response is triggered by perceived stress, more often than actual events.
If you perceive that you are threatened — physically or psychologically — by a situation, your fight-or-flight response will kick in.


How Re-framing Works

Using re-framing techniques can be simple and easy, especially with practice. To re-frame s to clarify and evaluate our thoughts.

Learn About Thinking Patterns:

The first step in re-framing is to educate yourself about some of these negative thinking patterns that may exacerbate your stress levels. See these common cognitive distortions to see which ones, if any, may come into play in your life.  Educating yourself about thinking patterns and how they affect people is important for laying the groundwork for understanding and change.

Notice Your Thoughts: 

“I am not my thoughts; I am the observer of my thoughts” - Tolle

The next step is to catch yourself when you're slipping into overly negative and stress-inducing patterns of thinking. Being aware of them is an important part of challenging and ultimately changing them. One thing you can do is just become more mindful of your thoughts, as though you're an observer. When you catch negative thinking styles, just note them at first. If you want, you can even keep a journal and start recording (I like to write poems) what's happening in your life and your thoughts surrounding these events, and then examine these thoughts through your new 'lens' to get more practice in catching these thoughts. Another helpful practice is meditation, where you learn to quiet your mind and examine your thoughts. Once you become more of an observer, it's easier to notice your thoughts rather than remaining caught up in them.

Challenge Your Thoughts:

As you notice your negative thoughts, an effective part of re-framing involves examining the truth and accuracy (or lack thereof) of these thoughts. Are the things you're telling yourself even true? Also, what are some other ways to interpret the same set of events? Which ways of seeing things serve you better? Instead of seeing things the way you always have, challenge every negative thought, and see if you can adopt thoughts that fit your situation but reflect a more positive outlook.

That's the gist of re-framing, and you can do it as often as you'd like. Most people are surprised at what a big impact re-framing can have on their experience of stress—changing the way you look at your life can truly change your life.


Become a Yes-sayer

“I want to learn more and more to see as beautiful what is necessary in things; then I shall be one of those who make things beautiful. Amor fati: let that be my love henceforth! I do not want to wage war against what is ugly. I do not want to accuse; I do not even want to accuse those who accuse. Looking away shall be my only negation. And all in all and on the whole: someday I wish to be only a Yes-sayer.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche

The Two Wolves

“Reason is a slave to our passions” David Hume

David Hume was a Scottish philosopher who is best known today for his worldwide popular theory in skepticism and naturalism.

Hume proposed that nothing could be known without perception. (Perception is an accumulation of our experiences via our senses; sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch).

Our perception is the impetus for our actions. We learn from past experiences that convert later in our reasons to choose or not to choose particular actions. Therefore, reasons are not the first line of understanding, but it’s our instincts (Our emotions).

Our thoughts vary substantially - from contentment and anxiety, happiness and anger, satisfaction and resentment, to joy and jealously. This juxtaposition of thoughts is the burden that a conscious creature will have to navigate throughout his life.

This neurological battle of emotional desires and rational thinking is best characterized in the Indian legend of the “Two Wolves”. This metaphorical story talks about one of the most important battles of our life – the one between our good and bad thoughts.

The story:

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.

“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

So let me bring this back to the original point of my blog, “It’s not an eating problem”

Emotions can lead to disturbing thoughts. These thoughts, in turn, create more emotions which create more thoughts – and on and on…

The thoughts (the problem) are followed by a behavior. This behavior (overeating, smoking, drinking, gambling, etc.) is what we mistake as the problem, when in fact it’s just the symptom of the problem.

It’s a disruptive loop of mistaken issues.

As it turns out, “It’s not what we’re eating; it’s what eating us”.

The bad wolf in this story is a metaphor for the limbic system. It supports a variety of functions including emotion, behavior, motivation, and long-term memory. Emotional life is largely housed in the limbic system.

The good wolf in this story is the Neocortex. This is the executive director of our behavior.

If impulses dominate our life, it means the bad wolf is in control. One the other hand, if we have the ability to delay immediate gratification, the good wolf is directing the urges of the limbic desires.

One of the most effective ways to deal with the bad wolf’s emotional thoughts is by taking a deep breath and then disputing them.

Before following the impulse, hold your own thought pattern under scrutiny and ask yourself:

- Is this thought true and accurate? Build your case with real-world evidence: write down all proof for your beliefs in one column and the counter-examples in the other.

- If you do find support for your beliefs, is that evidence accurate or just another symptom of your distorted thinking?

- Is this thought helpful in the long run or just distressing?

- What’s the worst thing that can happen? On a scale from 1 to 10, how likely is it that this will actually happen?

- What would you tell your best friend if they had these negative thoughts?

- In which ways would your life change if you stopped believing your negative thoughts?

This method will create greater peace, confidence and a more positive outlook by learning how to clarify and evaluate our thoughts. After all, this battle can be won because we have the ability to become more aware of the choices we make and the payoffs we receive.

We do what we do because we get something from it.

There is a lot we can learn from this Chinese proverb:

- Be careful of your thoughts, for your thoughts become your words.

- Be careful of your words, for your words become your actions.

- Be careful of your actions, for your actions become your habits.

- Be careful of your habits, for your habits become your character.

- Be careful of your character, for your character becomes your destiny.


The next topic will focus on the cognitive dilemma concerning the fight or flight mechanism in modern times.

This issue is called the Amygdala Hi-jacking.

The Aspiration Gap

“I do not understand why I do what I do; for what I want to do I don’t do, but what I hate I do”   – Romans 7:15

What’s your aspiration? Before you answer this, ask yourself two questions:

1. What am I doing right now? (Write it down)  Nutritionally, exercise, reading, watching, my job, after work hours, and weekends.

2. What type of life would I like to have, and how far apart are the above interests from the life I say I want?

This is called the aspiration gap – this is the distance between what I’m currently doing and where I want to be? Depending on the distance, this issue can be quite troubling for some people causing aspiration paralysis. The wider the gap, the more stress and anxiety.
Within the aspirational gap lies a psychological conundrum called cognitive dissonance.

"Cognitive dissonance is labeled as, “the stress and anxiety that results from simultaneously holding contradictory or otherwise incompatible attitudes, desires, and beliefs” –Dictionary.com

The Aspiration Gap is that space between the changes I am now able to make and those that I know I need to make. I have a paradoxical relationship with my Aspiration Gap; on one hand, I want to close it, bringing my practices closer to my knowledge of where they need to be; on the other hand, I need to keep aspiring to more realistically sustainable changes, while continually stretching and extending my aspirations.

There is a fine balancing act of keeping my aspirations far enough from my current practices to keep me from becoming too comfortable, but close enough so that I don’t become overly discouraged. I also have to stay keenly aware of the fact that it’s the journey toward my aspiration, not the aspiration itself - which is the reward. If we only focus on the aspiration, we risk losing the message of what it means to aspire. The reality is, aspiring is a process, not a destination. This process can be used in all of our desired transitions to develop workable goals and to close the aspiration gap in all areas of our lives.

The concept of The Aspiration Gap also highlights two connected, though in some ways distinct areas where the place I am and the place I want to need to operate. While it is a great challenge to change our energy practices both individually and as a community, it is also crucial that we change our beliefs - because we don’t do what we know; we do what we believe.

While we aspire to live a better quality of life, the belief that it’s possible can also make a big difference.

A well lived life is the manifestation of aspiration, perspiration, and inspiration.

Become the Observer

“Personal awareness precedes personal transformation”

If you’re tired of people, look no further than yourself.

That’s right – take a look at you.

There’s only one person you can change, and that’s you!

Self-awareness is having the ability to step back and see yourself from a distance, to analyze your internal dialogue, and to examine your agendas and expectations.

The most important part (and the hardest part) is to observe all these things from a nonjudgmental perspective. When it comes to personal perspectives we are all guilty of cognitive biases and blind spots that work against our quest for self-knowledge.

Follow these steps:

- Awareness of the internal dialogue

- Clarify and evaluate the thoughts (don't judge)

- Acceptance (change what you can change - let go of what you cannot)


“Know thy self; the unexamined life is not worth living” - Socrates

Mastery of Self

The anxious sense of self
Forged in a flawed reality
The blind internal drives
Percolating in the cortex just beneath

Ubiquitous is the struggle
Antiquities impressions preside
Reptilian hardwired features
Dominance – an extreme will to survive

Anxiety, fear, and anger
Emotions hard to please
Audacious insatiable appetites
Malignant cancerous disease

The struggle - the fight
A metaphorical demonic hold
We fall - dropping to our knees
Surrendering to our insufferable lonely souls

A metamorphosis occurs
Emerging - as if from a really bad dream
Awareness to the Truth
Nothing - is as it seems

We’re not worthless and dirty
Decrepit and weak
We’re a conscious creature of habit
That’s what makes us special and unique

The subconscious desires are what move us
They indiscriminately influence our lives
But consumed in abundance
Tragically – will lead to our demise

So be ravenous in moderation
Temper - don’t deny
Learn to live in the present moment
Be real – not a fictitious virtuous disguise

Awareness of our human nature
Acceptance – the glory; the triumph of our past
Appreciation for this opportunity
Autonomy - liberation manifest at last

The Mastery of Self
Striving to fulfill all that be one can be
Transcending all self-expectations
Profound – a unique master in modernity