H.O.P.E.

Recently a client asked me what I thought about using the mantra H.O.P.E. for the new year.

Having Only Positive Expectations

HOPE is a positive acronym about creating an attitude that is less negative (perhaps). Most times our intentions are good (Having HOPE); however, we all know about good intentions. I do have some concerns that requires us to ask a couple questions before we embark on this new mantra;

- What happens when “positive expectations” are not positive?

- What happens when “our expectations” do not unfold?

To only have positive expectations would require us to force our emotions to be out of alignment with reality.  (Example - I’m going to have positive emotions when people don’t do what they said they are going to do)

I’m forcing myself to think positive about the negative feelings I’m experiencing in this moment.  This forced emotional response will only last for so long, then we are right back to the negative feelings we had prior to the decision to have “only positive expectations”.

There is an ancient proverb that says, “The true secret to happiness is to lower our expectations”.

At first glance this may sound negative, but if you think about it, this is probably the best way to safe guard ourselves against having a negative attitude toward people and society in general.  If you’re like me, I have very high expectations for myself, which led me to project my expectations onto others.  After years of frustration I adopted “lowered expectations” as my mantra.  As I’ve done this, a whole new world has opened up for me in the fact that I rarely get angry or disappointed with people.

I either take in, or let go, of whatever life brings to me – I keep my personal expectations high, but I don’t project my expectations on to others.

In my world, if you are a good person and true to your word, I take you in – if you show me otherwise, I let you go. No hard feelings.

There’s a saying “believe people when they show you who they are the first time”. If someone is frustrating us it is primarily because our expectations are irrational. (Example: If someone didn’t show up for our meeting the first or second time - what makes you think the third time will be different? When they show you who they are, believe them. Take them in as a new friend or wish them well.

If people are not living up to our expectation we have three choices:

1. Change them. (you can’t change anyone – only yourself)

2. Accept them. (lower your expectations)

3. Leave them. (try to decide if this is the type of person you want in your life)

In order to have a healthy mind, our emotions should always be congruent with reality.  If someone isn’t living up to our expectation, change your expectations – or leave.  It’s a lot healthier than expecting them to change.

I have no expectations, other than the self-imposed expectations of being the best that I can truly be. I can only control me.

“Everything is as it should be”