Change

“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself” - Leo Tolstoy 

We may not all think of changing the world; however, we do think we can change others. It happens all the time; we try to change our wife or husband, or we might try to change a close friend. But changing ourselves is complicated.

I think there are three reasons why we avoid the process of change:

1. Belief - We don't believe we can change. We've tried several times, but just fall right back into the old habits. The sad part is we fail not because we aren't disciplined, but because the methods of change we've tried are flawed. Take weight loss - we lower our calories or eliminate one food group. 6 weeks later we're done. Due to the restrictive nature of diets we can't continue. You're not failing the program, the program is failing you. Strong beliefs (self-confidence) are created by failing and trying again. Building on your experiences so you can use what does not work to be in your favor.  You don't lose, you learn and grow.

 

2. Acknowledge - To change oneself, one must first acknowledge there's a problem. Most people get stuck in the pre-contemplative stage where if the “said” issue is brought up, there will be hell to pay. Acknowledging an issue is hard for some because it's become a part of their identity. To lose your identity is very scary because we like to attach to an image so we can define ourselves. People say my anxiety or play a role as a funny person to avoid people seeing the pain inside. Also, acknowledging requires action. Now that I've acknowledged it, what do I do? By acknowledging we go from victim to taking ownership. Which is the only true path to change.

3. Cognitive dissonance - Cognitive dissonance proposes that people are averse to inconsistencies within their own minds. It offers one explanation for why people sometimes make an effort to adjust their thinking when their own thoughts, words, or behaviors seem to contradict with each other. When one learns new information that challenges a deeply held belief, for example, or acts in a way that seems to undercut a favorable self-image, that person may feel motivated to somehow resolve the negative feeling that results—to restore cognitive consonance. Though a person may not always resolve cognitive dissonance, the response to it may range from ignoring the source of it to changing one’s beliefs or behavior to eliminate the conflict.

                      It has been said that change is painful, but so is staying the same. 

                      Tolstoy's point is not that we want to change the world, but that we want the world to change. I'm proposing that there is only one thing we can change (us), and that one thing is what changes the world.

                      “We but mirror the world. All the tendencies present in the outer world are to be found in the world of our body. If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. This is the divine mystery supreme. A wonderful thing it is and the source of our happiness. We need not wait to see what others do.” – Mahatma Gandhi