Overcoming Me

                 "A man is but the product of his thoughts; what he thinks, he becomes."

             Mahatma Ghandi

 

I thought I had a good childhood… until I became aware of my childhood.
No curfew, no rules, no supervision, and no guidance….all the things a young man needs to develop into a moral, responsible mature adult.  I was exposed  to things children shouldn’t be allowed to see or do…..reading Playboy at age 10, drinking in elementary school , driving with no license at age 12, and premarital sex at a very early age…wow…it couldn’t get much better than that!  (Or so I thought)

My friends had rules…they had responsibilities…they even had homework.

(Man I felt sorry for them)

How could I have known the little boy that was being programed, was going to be a very hard adult to overcome?

 “Things don’t change…we do”

We can’t really fully understand our predicament as adults until we understand our origins, and how we’ve developed from the beginning to where we are at a particular time in our development whatever age we are.

All major studies regarding human development agree that the most formative years of a person’s life are from 1-8 years old.  These early years provide a platform for all of our thoughts, beliefs, and personalities that form along our way to becoming an adult.  

Professor Malcolm W. Watson once proposed… “Within every adult still lives that small child.”

I found this to be especially true in my early twenties.    My internal dialogue (which is who we really are at the moment) was running on the programming of my youth.  It was sexualized and violent…it was aggressive and impulsive.

Overcoming me was definitely a challenge

“Men are disturbed not by events, but by their opinions about events” ~ Epictetus

Overcoming me was a matter of overcoming my environment. It was a realization that my emotions followed my programing that I received as a child. If we change our programing, we also change our emotions…if we change our emotions… we change.

Awareness

"You are searching for the magic key that will unlock the door to the source of power; and yet you have the key in your own hands, and you may use it the moment you learn to control your thoughts."                                                                                             ~ Napoleon Hill

Awareness via introspection and education is the key to changing the programing (internal dialogue).

Internal dialogue is that voice inside your head which commentates on everything around you.  It is the voice that directs your emotions, logic, and reason. 

For example your internal dialogue allows you to…

~ Make decisions about how something makes you feel

~ Form an opinion on something or someone

~ Decide if you believe something or not

~ Know whether to do a certain thing or not

~ Know if you should change what you are doing (consider consequences)

It is non-stop and continually shapes your world and how you see it.  Depending on what your internal dialogue says at key points in your life will determine not only how you feel about certain things, but also what you believe about yourself and things around you… this will determine where best to spend your energy.  Oh and one thing I should mention, your internal dialogue runs automatically if you let it, however, if you pay attention to it, you can choose what you say to yourself… which is paramount for growth.

“Whether you think you can or whether you think you can’t, you’re right” ~ Henry Ford

Personally, I’ve used introspection and education to overcome the aggressions of my youth.  At that time, I felt extremely out of control and didn’t have the maturity to understand why my emotions were so violent or what to do about it.  Introspection gave me a way to recognize how my emotions arose, and education gave me the knowledge to control those emotions.

It’s important to understand that overcoming oneself doesn’t involve suppressing your emotions or denying them by sweeping them under the rug.  In fact, overcoming oneself demands exploring the beliefs and opinions that give rise to negative emotions… seeing if those beliefs are irrational… and if they are…. challenging them and replacing them with new beliefs.

So introspection involves a dismantling of beliefs and habits that create emotions, rather than simply denying or avoiding the emotions.

Overcoming the programing of our youth is never finished…it’s an ongoing process.

I began to notice if I constantly thought negative things, then my behavior reflected this. You may have a sour look on your face or talk negative to people and over time this will become an unpleasant habit and people may not want to be around you as a result. 

On the other hand, if you become aware of thoughts that are making you feel negative, decide to learn from them and change your thoughts… look at the positive side of things that will make you feel positive and empowered and your behavior will start to reflect that.  

Over time you will reprogram positive thinking into a habit. Your face and demeanor will reflect this positive attitude and you become more approachable, more open and more compassionate - all attributes that draw people toward you instead of away from you. The way you perceive yourself and the way others perceive you ultimately changes who you are.

The simple (hard) fact is that whatever you hold in your mind will tend to occur in your life. As they say, “If you continue to believe as you have always believed, you will continue to act as you have always acted”.   So we have to remember that if you continue to act as you have always acted, you will continue to get what you have always gotten. If you want different results in your life or your work, all you have to do is change your mind.

 "You have powers you never dreamed of. You can do things you never thought you could do. There are no limitations in what you can do except the limitations of your own mind."                                                                                                                                    

                                                                                               ~ Darwin P. Kingsley