Rider on an Elephant Metaphor

 By Chip and Dan Heath…”Switch: How to Change When Change is Hard”

 “The mind is divided, like a rider on an elephant, and the rider’s job is to serve the elephant”

"Perched atop the Elephant, the Rider holds the reins and seems to be the leader.  But the Rider’s control is precarious because the Rider is so small relative to the Elephant.  Anytime the six-ton Elephant and the Rider disagree about which direction to go, the Rider is going to lose.  He’s completely overmatched."  You need to create a path that makes it easier to be successful.

Most of us are all too familiar with situations in which our Elephant overpowers our Rider.  You’ve experienced this if you’ve ever slept in, overeaten, dialed up your ex at midnight, procrastinated, tried to quit smoking and failed, skipped the gym, gotten angry and said something you regretted, abandoned your Spanish or piano lessons, refused to speak up in a meeting because you were scared, and so on.

The key to effective change is getting the Elephant and the Rider moving together.  Dan and Chip write:

“Changes often fail because the Rider simply can’t keep the Elephant on the road long enough to reach the destination.  The Elephant’s hunger for instant gratification is the opposite of the Rider’s strength, which is the ability to think long-term, to plan, to think beyond the moment (all those things that your pet can’t do.) … To make progress toward a goal, whether it’s noble or crass requires the energy and drive of the Elephant.  And this strength is the mirror image of the Rider’s great weakness: spinning his wheels.  The Rider tends to overanalyze and over think things. … A reluctant Elephant and a wheel-spinning Rider can both ensure nothing changes.  But when Elephants and Riders move together, change can come easily.”

 

“Some pleasures are not worth having because they lead to greater pains, and some pains are worthwhile when they lead to greater pleasures. The best strategy for attaining a maximal amount of pleasure overall is not to seek instant gratification but to work out a sensible long term policy”

~ Epicurus

 

 

 

Crabs

“It was teeming with a diversity of life, with mussels, tubeworms, fish and crabs. Struggles for survival were playing out before our eyes. The incredible multitude of crabs in combat with each other for existence is an image I will never forget”                              ~ Steve Price

 

Have you heard of The Bucket of Crabs Theory?

The theory states that if there are several crabs in a bucket, and one tries to climb out, the others will pull him back down.

The “crab mentality” is summed up as:

“If I can’t have it, neither can you.”

If the crabs worked together, they could escape. But instead their selfishness and distrust maintains the status quo.

I’m using the Crab theory as a metaphor to describe human behavior.

Let’s say the bucket is you wanting to stop drinking, change your diet, or venture out into a new job.

Do your friends and family encourage those decisions?

Or do they try and pull you back down into the bucket with them?

What’s your reaction when one of your friends or family members takes a risk and is genuinely happy and successful?

I know it isn’t the ideal answer, but for most people its resentment, jealousy and extreme cognitive dissonance.

We can be better than the crabs.

Smarter
More cooperative
More encouraging
More compassionate

If you want to climb out of your “bucket,” whatever it may be, don’t let the other crabs pull you down.

And if you’re happy in your bucket but see someone else making a break for it, go ahead and give them a boost!

You never know… maybe they’ll turn around and offer a hand up.

“I don't know what your destiny will be, but one thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve.”

                                                                                                   ~ Albert Schweitzer

Overcoming Me

                 "A man is but the product of his thoughts; what he thinks, he becomes."

             Mahatma Ghandi

 

I thought I had a good childhood… until I became aware of my childhood.
No curfew, no rules, no supervision, and no guidance….all the things a young man needs to develop into a moral, responsible mature adult.  I was exposed  to things children shouldn’t be allowed to see or do…..reading Playboy at age 10, drinking in elementary school , driving with no license at age 12, and premarital sex at a very early age…wow…it couldn’t get much better than that!  (Or so I thought)

My friends had rules…they had responsibilities…they even had homework.

(Man I felt sorry for them)

How could I have known the little boy that was being programed, was going to be a very hard adult to overcome?

 “Things don’t change…we do”

We can’t really fully understand our predicament as adults until we understand our origins, and how we’ve developed from the beginning to where we are at a particular time in our development whatever age we are.

All major studies regarding human development agree that the most formative years of a person’s life are from 1-8 years old.  These early years provide a platform for all of our thoughts, beliefs, and personalities that form along our way to becoming an adult.  

Professor Malcolm W. Watson once proposed… “Within every adult still lives that small child.”

I found this to be especially true in my early twenties.    My internal dialogue (which is who we really are at the moment) was running on the programming of my youth.  It was sexualized and violent…it was aggressive and impulsive.

Overcoming me was definitely a challenge

“Men are disturbed not by events, but by their opinions about events” ~ Epictetus

Overcoming me was a matter of overcoming my environment. It was a realization that my emotions followed my programing that I received as a child. If we change our programing, we also change our emotions…if we change our emotions… we change.

Awareness

"You are searching for the magic key that will unlock the door to the source of power; and yet you have the key in your own hands, and you may use it the moment you learn to control your thoughts."                                                                                             ~ Napoleon Hill

Awareness via introspection and education is the key to changing the programing (internal dialogue).

Internal dialogue is that voice inside your head which commentates on everything around you.  It is the voice that directs your emotions, logic, and reason. 

For example your internal dialogue allows you to…

~ Make decisions about how something makes you feel

~ Form an opinion on something or someone

~ Decide if you believe something or not

~ Know whether to do a certain thing or not

~ Know if you should change what you are doing (consider consequences)

It is non-stop and continually shapes your world and how you see it.  Depending on what your internal dialogue says at key points in your life will determine not only how you feel about certain things, but also what you believe about yourself and things around you… this will determine where best to spend your energy.  Oh and one thing I should mention, your internal dialogue runs automatically if you let it, however, if you pay attention to it, you can choose what you say to yourself… which is paramount for growth.

“Whether you think you can or whether you think you can’t, you’re right” ~ Henry Ford

Personally, I’ve used introspection and education to overcome the aggressions of my youth.  At that time, I felt extremely out of control and didn’t have the maturity to understand why my emotions were so violent or what to do about it.  Introspection gave me a way to recognize how my emotions arose, and education gave me the knowledge to control those emotions.

It’s important to understand that overcoming oneself doesn’t involve suppressing your emotions or denying them by sweeping them under the rug.  In fact, overcoming oneself demands exploring the beliefs and opinions that give rise to negative emotions… seeing if those beliefs are irrational… and if they are…. challenging them and replacing them with new beliefs.

So introspection involves a dismantling of beliefs and habits that create emotions, rather than simply denying or avoiding the emotions.

Overcoming the programing of our youth is never finished…it’s an ongoing process.

I began to notice if I constantly thought negative things, then my behavior reflected this. You may have a sour look on your face or talk negative to people and over time this will become an unpleasant habit and people may not want to be around you as a result. 

On the other hand, if you become aware of thoughts that are making you feel negative, decide to learn from them and change your thoughts… look at the positive side of things that will make you feel positive and empowered and your behavior will start to reflect that.  

Over time you will reprogram positive thinking into a habit. Your face and demeanor will reflect this positive attitude and you become more approachable, more open and more compassionate - all attributes that draw people toward you instead of away from you. The way you perceive yourself and the way others perceive you ultimately changes who you are.

The simple (hard) fact is that whatever you hold in your mind will tend to occur in your life. As they say, “If you continue to believe as you have always believed, you will continue to act as you have always acted”.   So we have to remember that if you continue to act as you have always acted, you will continue to get what you have always gotten. If you want different results in your life or your work, all you have to do is change your mind.

 "You have powers you never dreamed of. You can do things you never thought you could do. There are no limitations in what you can do except the limitations of your own mind."                                                                                                                                    

                                                                                               ~ Darwin P. Kingsley

 

           

 

 

I

                                          

                                   “When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be”

                                                                                                     - Lao Tzu

“I think, therefore I am” Or ”I am, therefore I think?”

It’s interesting to think about.

I’ve often wondered about the ramifications of what it means to be a conscious creature.

To be human, is to be conscious of a self.

Once self-awareness occurs, he contemplates. 

Once he contemplates, he senses anxiety from our insatiable appetites and our disconcerting impermanence.

Once he senses anxiety, he distorts the reality.

Distorting the reality exposes the yearning and credulity of our species.

Exposing the credulity and yearning of our species brings awareness to the illusion of self.

The illusion of self is the confined space that we inhabit.

The space we inhabit is the consciousness of thought.

The consciousness of thought is the origins of cognition.

The origin of cognition is the beginnings of humanity.

The beginning of humanity is what it means to be conscious of self.

And that’s the ramifications of being a conscious creature.

It’s interesting to think about.

"I think, therefore I am”

“The day you decide you are more interested in being aware of your thoughts than you are in the thoughts themselves - that is the day you will find your way out”   

                                                                                                         ~ Michael Singer

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Inside the Mind of a Champion

 

       “I think self-awareness is probably the most important thing towards being a champion”

                                                                                                                     ~ Billie Jean King

 Four characteristics of a Champion mindset

“It’s not the will to win that matters…everyone has that. It’s the will to prepare to win that matters.”                                                                                    

                                                                                                     ~  Paul “Bear” Bryant

• Motivated

• Confident in abilities, training, preparation

• Manages pressure well

• Uses well-drilled techniques to prepare

1. Motivation

“Motivation will almost always beat mere talent” ~Norman Ralph Augustine

• Goals define an athlete

• Goals setting (SMART PRINCIPLE)

Specific:  Define your goal in exact language.  This is where you turn a dream into reality.  This is the mental space that you begin to populate with the tangible stuff, “I will score a touchdown every game”… “I will score a goal every game”…”I will lose 1 Ib. per week”.

Measurable:  Set forth your goals and their intermediate benchmarks in a way that can be actually measured, both at the end and at every step of the way.  The measurement could be increased speed, increased bench press, or increased muscle mass.

Achievable:  Is it possible to reach your goal within the set period, given the resources that you will need?   Don’t hope that something will show up…make sure you have the resources, or at least access to the resources to make the goal achievable.   An unachievable goal will only lead to frustration…that will turn you off on the whole goal-setting process.

Realistic:  Is your goal based on reality, or is it a fantasy?  An unrealistic goal is unlikely to be met and can only lead to your disappointment. If it’s realistic, you can form a mental picture of your goal.  Once you have that mental picture, a picture you can really be a part of, your goal will have a real life.  A week after starting your program, I don’t suggest that your goal setting include “I will increase my bench by 20 pounds the first week”…or… “Im going to lose 30 lbs. in the first month”.

Timed:  It is crucial to place a time limit for achieving a goal… otherwise, it remains a dream. Timed goals lend themselves to personal journals and recorded performance records.  Think of hospital fundraising campaigns, which are often accompanied by a big bar chart right by the entrance.  Every week or month, or whatever period is appropriate, you can gauge the progress.

2. Self-confidence origins: 

“Self Confidence is the strength of the belief in your abilities to execute”  

• Global (your abilities and team)

• Task specific (ability, footwork, hit the goal)

• Experience (building on practice and past games)

• Modelling “Blueprint” (model a player…a role model)

3. Anxiety Management

“Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength”

                                                                                                 ~Charles Spurgeon

Anxiety can undermine all performance. (In business, athletics, and personal goals)

- Relaxation techniques:

- Breathing

- Stretching

- Music

- Meditation

4. Self – Talk:

“Whether you think you can, or whether you think you can’t, you’re right”

Observation….

• Imagery…. (Visualize, Focus, Important cues)

• Self talk…. (Motivational ….”come on, you can do this”)

• Relaxation (ex. Calm, breath, relax)

Conclusion:

The Mind of Champion is developed. 

When things go badly for you (as they will), remember, you have a choice! You can shut down if you want...or… you can rise above with your newly acquired visualization techniques.  By changing the old paradigm of doubt, negativity, and lack of confidence…. into the motivated, focused, confident mindset that refuses to fail…creates the pathway to think and perform like a champion!

“There's always the motivation of wanting to win. Everybody has that. But a champion needs, in his attitude, a motivation above and beyond winning”

                                                                                                                                 ~Pat Riley

 

 

 

 

 

Superhuman Habits

(Book by Tynan)               

                      

                                 "At first you create your habits, and then your habits create you”

 

1 What is a Habit?

A habit is a routine of behavior that is repeated regularly and tends to occur unconsciously.

In the American Journal of Psychology it is defined in this way:

"A habit, from the standpoint of psychology, is a more or less fixed way of thinking, willing, or feeling acquired through previous repetition of a mental experience.”

Will power is finite…you only have a certain amount. So we have to use our limited amount of will power to create new habits.

Old habits are hard to break and new habits are hard to form because the behavioral patterns we repeat are imprinted in our neural pathways, but it is possible to form new habits through repetition.

2. Don’t miss a day!

Consistency…set up habits to do daily.

If you miss a day…then set up “the habit” as the most important thing to do the next day.

What if you miss two days?  DON’T MISS TWO DAYS!

Set boundaries. There are certain things you will not allow.

3. Use your mistakes.

“Perfection is not reality”

No bodies perfect.  Don’t tell yourself, “I am bad at this”….that becomes a mindset.

Say, “I AM BETTER THAN THIS!”

“Whether you think you can, or whether you think you can’t, you’re right”  ~ Henry Ford

 4. Focus on the Process.

If you want to stress yourself out when it comes to weight loss, hop on the scales every day. Measure your progress by the results you’re getting….go ahead…make the results as short term as you can. Be all about immediate results.

That is the quickest path to giving up. You’re not going to see the results as fast as you think you should be seeing them, and it’s not working, so you give up.

Focus on the Process.  Here are some things to ask yourself….

~ Am I doing what I said I was going to do to lose weight?

~ Am I preparing my food ahead of time?

~ Am I Exercising?

~ Is my “new habit” still a priority?

~ Am I staying within my boundaries?

~ Am I using my mistakes to learn new lessons?

~ Have I continued to focus on the process?

The outcome of our success will be a natural by-product of the process.

Make a commitment to the practice…the process.

5. Negative Habits

Identify my negative habits.

~ Staying up too late.

~ Wasting time. (Not planning)

~ Eating out

~ Too much time on the internet.

~ Procrastination.

Notice the triggers that moves us…replace the negative habits with positive habits.

Notice the consequences, so that we can see the value to change.


"The irony of commitment is that it's deeply liberating - in work, in play, in love.  The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around as rational hesitation.  To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life."
 
   

 

                                  

 

 

 

The Diet Circle

                        “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it”

                                                                                                       ~ George Santayana

 

The Devil’s Circle by Stephen Batchelor

"A man lost in a desert can trudge for hours through the sands until he sees ahead of him an unmistakable line of foot prints leading to the horizon. But his joy on finding a trail turns to despair when he realizes the tracks are his own. Since one limb was a few millimeters longer than the other or habit or injury inclined him to step fractionally further with one leg, he consistently veered to the right or left. Without a path or landmark to guide him, he traced a vast circle while convinced he was walking in a straight line.”

This describes life’s tendency to repeat itself…

“Like someone lost in a desert, I feel compelled to struggle ahead, unaware that a devil’s circle will only bring me back to where I began. Through the years, I return again and again to the same stock obsessions. I flick through the tomb of my achievements in the blink of an eye only to feel that nothing has really happened. I am still the anxious and puzzled child who set out on the journey.”

How many times has this occurred in our efforts to lose weight?

“No matter what experience has taught us in the past, we insist on making the same mistakes again and again. A devil's circle is addictive. It raises you to dizzy heights of rapture only to bring you crashing down into thoughts of despair. Yet I do not hesitate to start the diabolic cycle again. I find it hard to resist the urge to go through the familiar and comforting motions of habit, even when I know that the end result will be the anxious craving to repeat the experience again.”

A path leads into unknown territory, whereas a circle goes over the same ground again and again. The enticing avenues that a devil’s circle offers are not paths at all.

“New paths are not familiar and secure. The new patterns we will create are not as stable or predictable as they once appeared. In the devil's circle, not only does the devil block the way to freedom, he tricks one into following paths that appear promising, but lead only to frustration and disillusion.”

Batchelor concludes… "In the end, we humans are the only adequate metaphor for the Devil"