“The
only respect that matters is self-respect”
Self-esteem
is how you feel about yourself as a person.
There is an
overwhelming amount of evidence that the higher the level of self-esteem, the
more likely one will be to treat others with respect, kindness, and generosity.
Those with high self-esteem believe that they are adequate, strong and worthy
of a good life, while those with low self-esteem feel inadequate and worthless.
Low self-esteem can develop in childhood and continue throughout adulthood,
causing a great amount of emotional pain that can dominate/cripple most
lives. Therefore, it’s important to
develop a healthy, positive sense of self.
Many people
base their self-esteem on external, materialist factors, such as how much money
they earn, what kind of car they drive, how much they weigh, how they
dress, and whether people like and
appreciate them. If any of those external variables changes, your self-esteem
can be greatly affected. For example, if your self-esteem is based on your group
of friends… then you risk feeling extremely vulnerable and worthless if those
friends leave you. By the same token, building self-esteem is not an easy task
if you have been abused or have suffered years of personal or professional
failure.
Building
your self-esteem and creating a positive self-awareness comes from taking an
introspective look at your own strengths and abilities as a human being. Being
at peace with who you are and what you have to offer the world is a major part
of having high self-esteem. This “inner peace” does not mean that you are
unaware of your weaknesses…it’s quite the contrary; it merely means that you
accept who you are and genuinely like the person you have become.
“Nothing builds self-esteem
and self-confidence like accomplishment”
You should
think about yourself as deserving of attention, admiration and proper
maintenance. Avoid the pitfall of paying too much attention to the happiness
and well-being of others and too little to your own. Maintaining self-esteem
involves becoming fully aware of your strengths and seeing challenges as
opportunities to employ those strengths.Low self-esteem is often linked to depression or anxiety. If your emotions feel overpowering or out of control, one way to build self-esteem around this issue is to learn to manage your mood and gain control over your internal dialogue. Some people are able to do this with the help of friends and family. Others need to work with a health professional to manage the problems that may lie beneath the surface of low self-esteem.
If you
struggle with low self-esteem, it is often helpful to connect with others with
the same problem. Self-help groups and
life coaches can be helpful in building the skills necessary to believe in your
own wishes, needs and feelings. Other self-help groups may be located by
talking with a mental health referral service or by asking a therapist Doctor,
or other health professional for a referral. In addition, you can contact your
local mental health center about individual and group therapy. Clergy and pastoral
counsel may also be of assistance. Other steps you can take to increase
self-esteem include looking at community bulletin boards and newspapers for
opportunities to demonstrate your skills and abilities, working with others to
change the things you don’t like about yourself and meditating twice a day to
increase your awareness of the current moment and of the great opportunity that
comes with being alive.
Listening to
the internal dialogue about who you think you are and what you have to offer
the world is an important process in building self-esteem. However, it is not
unusual to have trouble suppressing the hardwired negative voice while defining
your strengths and abilities. Sometimes it is helpful to talk to a behavioral
specialist about this inner dialogue and about how you might come to the
genuine feeling of being a good person who is worthy of the good things in
life. Talking to friends, family and colleagues can also be useful in further defining who you are and what you have to offer. Remember though that the most important conversation you have about self-esteem is with yourself. Become your own personal coach. Don’t be afraid to celebrate even your smallest successes. Ask yourself what you fear, and search within yourself for ways you can cope with these worries and fears.
Learning to know and trust yourself is a long but worthwhile process. Throughout life you may need to search within yourself again and again to find your own empowerment and strength.
“All that we
are is a result of what we have thought”
Buddha
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