Stop Blaming your Body

Who you are right now is a direct result of your programming. Our brain is our processer. If your computer isn’t processing properly, you don’t change the screen (body)...you check the processor.

The quality of the processing is dependent upon the input. If the input is flawed…so is the processing
Isn’t it funny how we say, “I want to change my body”…when in fact, it’s not the body that needs changing, it’s our mind. The body is a reflection of the mind…just like the computer screen is reflecting the input.
Think about this…

-Who you are right now is the result of the programs you have received up until now.

-What you want for yourself and from life is the result of those same programs.

-Who you are, starting today, is the result of the new choices you begin to make today.

-What you want out of life (starting today) is up to the choices you decide to make now.

“Whatever can happen at any time can happen today”

Today is the day!

Fake It Until You Make It

“Man’s mind once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions”

                                                                             Oliver Wendell Holmes

 

As an admitted self-talk, introspective, skeptic, and somewhat cynical (realistJ) person, I can tell you this with complete conviction: these traits are an extremely helpful mishmash of well discerned cognitive processes when it is used in an effort to serve others; however, it is dangerous, pessimistic, and self-destructive when the talk, thoughts, and actions are internalized and left un-checked.

All psychological studies show that our internal dialogue has an impact on what we think, and therefore how we feel. Our internal dialogue creates our perspective…our perspective creates our internal dialogue.

The thoughts and dialogue become so intertwined that it’s almost impossible to recognize the “self” from the thoughts.

Eckhart Tolle once said, “what a liberation to realize that the 'voice in my head' is not who I am.” ‘Who am I, then?' “I am the one observing the voice”

So how do we begin this journey of self-enlightenment?

Becoming enlightened begins with presence. You have to be in the moment long enough to recognize the internal chatter that most times are filled with negative self-destructive thoughts.

One of the most beneficial practices I have ever used in an effort to control/understand my thoughts is called Neuro Linguistic Programing (NLP).

Neuro-Brain/Awareness

Linguistic-Words/Thoughts

Programming-Input/Processing

I’m not trying to talk to you like you’re a third grader; however, breaking down complex sounding programs can be very helpful in understanding the true meaning.

Let me begin by saying that most psychologist disagree with NLP. I think the discrediting has more to do with some of the claims made by many “self-help” gurus than it does the obvious benefits that occur from rationally discerned thoughts and the creation of new dialogue.

The slander regarding NLP and is probably not intentional. It seems to me to be a misunderstanding of what NLP is. And I lay the blame for that at the feet of an awful lot of people who have "sold" NLP (just as the health industry “sold” diet plans) as a self-help method, a way to control other people, and as a quick fix for every problem. NLP is none of those things, but without selling to the sizzle of NLP, they wouldn’t make any money.

What is NLP?

NLP is personal awareness, recognition/changing the internal dialogue, and modeling behavior of successful people.

 Modeling Behavior:

If someone is good at something and I want to be good at it, I can learn from how they do it … how they think about it… what they believe about it, what they consider to be important… what they pay attention to and what they ignore… the sequence of mental and physical steps they follow…and so on. Modeling allows you to implement a well-traveled successful path to do get similar results quickly. Not necessarily instantly, as it depends on how much actual practice is required, but much more quickly than a path less traveled. You learned a lot of what you know by means of trial and error, making mistakes and learning from them, throwing away what doesn't work and keeping what does. It's possible for all of us to learn the steps of success (mentally and physically) from those successful people who came before us.

Internal Dialogue:

People ask me all the time. “How do you eat the same thing every day?”…I respond, “How could I not eat the same food every day?”

I intentionally say what I want to be true.

The next comment is usually, “Oh…so what you’re saying is fake it until you make it”?

Absolutely not! What I’m saying is become aware of your thoughts (internal dialogue) and see if it is in line with your goals. If you’re saying, “I’ll never be able to eat right”, then most likely you’re right.

Awareness the first step, the second step is writing down your goals and the words necessary to achieve those goals.

If weight loss is the goal, replace, “I’ll never lose weight” with “I’m going to become healthy”.

Just because you’re replacing negative words with goal driven words doesn’t mean you’re faking it…it means you are thinking rationally (action) rather than emotionally (acceptance).

Rational discernment is the road less traveled. It’s akin to swimming upstream; there will always be resistance coming from the familiar steam of habitual emotional reactions.

Emotional thinking is strong and reactive. They can carry you downstream with little or no effort. If you jump into a river and don’t swim, you end up where the river takes you. If you swim, it will be hard; however, you will have better control of your destination.

Changing the destination is changing perception...its learning to see things in a clearer truer perspective with less biases. Everyone sees the world different. Two people can have the same experience, yet have very different interpretations of what happened.

NLP won't make you a CEO, but if you are a CEO, it'll make you a better one. The same is true no matter your goal, vocation or avocation. Implementing NLP won't solve all your life’s problems; however, it'll allow you to become more aware of your old patterns of thinking, to a new pattern of perceiving that will allow you to be more successful and achieve all you’ve ever dreamed of.

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way”

-Viktor E. Frankl

 

No Matter Where you go… There you are.

“Mindfulness is the art of mastering your life, not running away from it”

Shelly once complained about the sound of her neighbor’s sprinkler system going off in the middle of the night. The neighbor pointed out, "it only comes on one time per week and there is only one sprinkler by your house".  Shelly replied, “But you don’t know what I go through waiting for it to come on.”

Shelly assumed she could resolve this issue by sleeping in another room on the other side of the house. The first night was great! However, it didn’t take long before she began to noticed the neighbor’s air condition unit turning on and off.

The moral to this story is that you can move to a different room, house, city, or state, but no matter where you go, there you are. Most times, left undiscerned, our emotions interfere with our ability to use logic and reason.

The events (water sprinkler, a/c unit) that Shelly was anxious about are nothing more than events that occur in most neighborhoods. What is different is our perception about the events. If you resist or hyper focus on the “sprinklers”, you will make yourself anxious about the “sprinklers”. The resistance/hyper-focus on the sprinklers creates anticipatory anxiety…this guarantees ones thoughts about a certain event are precisely what bring about the anxiety of the event.

The solution isn’t avoiding/resisting the thoughts about the event…the solution involves something known as the R.A.I.N. Method.

Recognize

Allow

Investigate

Non-identify (Look at the situation as if it’s not you…what would you recommend to a friend with this problem?)

In the beginning, the method of facing rather than fleeing may be uncomfortable.  However, by changing one meaningful attachment to the situation by “allowing” rather than “resisting” creates a cognitive shift in perception that allows you to live a life unfettered by  the smallest annoyances. (It’s not about what happened…it’s what we “think” about what happened)

Things don’t change…we change.

Hope

"Can anything be more idiotic than certain people who boast of their foresight? They keep themselves officiously preoccupied in order to improve their lives; they spend their lives in organizing their lives. They direct their purposes with an eye to a distant future. But putting things off is the biggest waste of life: it snatches away each day as it comes, and denies us the present by promising the future. The greatest obstacle to living is expectancy, which hangs upon tomorrow and loses today. You are arranging what lies in Fortune’s control, and abandoning what lies in yours. What are you looking at? To what goal (Hope) are you straining?”

― Seneca, On the Shortness of Life

 After a wonderful evening of dinner with friends, the interesting topic of Stoicism came up.

I am a huge proponent of the Stoic philosophy. I love everything about it; the focus on the present moment, the responsibility of self, and the examination of emotions through the use of logic and reason. How could anyone disagree with those positions?

To my surprise, a couple of friends thought the stoic philosophy wasn’t optimistic enough, and contained too much negativity…they said, “It didn’t leave much room for hope”. The word “hope” stuck with me for a second. It really made me think of how a Stoic would feel about this characterization of their belief system.    

To a Stoic, the past and future do not exist. There is only the present moment.

(Anyone who has ever read any of Eckhart Tolle’s teachings will notice how he was heavily influenced by the Stoic philosophy)

So according to the Stoics, attaching oneself to the past or by “hoping” for a better future devalues the present and prevents one from living life to its fullest. Stoicism then articulated what Freud would echo centuries later that… “He who remains a prisoner of the past will always be incapable of acting and enjoying."   The same applies to the person who is living for tomorrow, always waiting for their life to begin.

Hope, according to Stoic thought, is by nature an absence, a lack, a source of constant tension because we live our lives in terms of plans, hoping for some distant goal on which our happiness depends.

Webster’s Dictionary defines Hope…To cherish a desire with anticipation…to desire with expectation of obtainment…to expect with confidence.                                                                                                                                                        (I’ve highlighted these words to show the extreme expectations that are attached to the future desires of hopes)

You might ask, “What about goal setting?”

Goals are different…Hope in achieving a goal is a desire that has been clearly defined and is planned with action. Hope, in the way most people use it, is a wishful desire… a dream….lacking a clear direction. A future thought that depends on future contingencies that most times are not thought out and beyond our control.

Again…flawed expectations.

The Danger of Unrealistic Hopes and Goals:

Goals have their issues too. If one reaches their goal, they may experience a puzzling sense of disillusionment and immediately our desires force us into “hoping” for the next distant goal.               

"We wait for life as life passes" is the famous phrase by the Stoic philosopher Seneca. The good life then, is a life stripped of both hopes and fears. Hoping for happiness is to "seek it where it is not and neglect to seek it where is it" -Epictetus.

I’m also an avid reader of Buddhism. I was surprised to discover this Stoic philosophy was also echoed in the Buddhist teachings.

“You must learn to live as if this present moment was the most vital of your life. For nothing else exists in truth: the past is no longer and the future is not yet".

Even Nietzsche weighed in against hope… “We 'shoulder' like 'beasts of burden' because of our inability to love reality for itself.”

Our reality is our reality…and sometimes that may be depressing (that’s a personal perspective); however, the unrealistic, unexamined expectations of future hopes are destructive patterns of thoughts that permeate into other areas of our lives as well.

French philosophy Andre Comte-Sponville points out that "to hope is to desire without consummation, without knowledge, without power".

To desire without consummation because by definition we do not have what we hope for… to desire without knowledge because if we knew how to obtain the object of our desires, then we would do so… desire without power because, again, if we had the power to obtain our desires, we would do so.     Hope then according to Andre leads to frustration and impotence.

Hope highlights an important difference between Christianity and Stoicism… 

Christianity teaches the world is not as it should be and that we live in a cursed and fallen world…we are sinners, unworthy, and decrepit. We therefore “hope” for the grace of God and for the Kingdom of God and for our own salvation.

(*note...I do not believe this is the message of Jesus)

Stoicism, on the other hand, aims to understand and appreciate the world we live in and accept our place within it. Good or bad, we have an opportunity to experience.

“Life is happening for us…not to us. Every moment is a chance to learn…a chance to understand”

Christianity teaches dissatisfaction and despair can only be defeated by hope. Stoicism teaches despair is caused by making faulty judgments on the world, that hope is at best worthless.

Stoicism is a practice of reason, logic, and living in the present moment. It’s about realistic expectations and facing the ugly realities of life (Lies, stealing, cheating, deceptions, depressions, anxiety, and death) that are out of our control.                   

However, by accepting the cold hard realities of our condition, Stoicism allows us to appreciate the beautiful opportunities that await those who willfully acknowledge the ebbs and flows of life knowing that it’s all going to be ok.

                                         “No man is free unless he is master of himself”

                                                                                         -Epictetus

Dukkha (Suffering)

I'm taking a college course right now (Buddhism and Modern Psychology) and loving it! It is fascinating how close the Buddha was to explaining the drives/desires/sufferings of man.

Part of my test was to write an essay regarding human suffering...I thought it might make an excellent blog.

 

Question 1: The Buddha offers a specific diagnosis of the suffering that is part of human existence. Explain the Buddha's diagnosis. Does this diagnosis ring true to you, or has the Buddha ignored some aspect of human life, or made some other mistake? Offer two specific reasons or experiences that support your answer, and explain how they support it.

 Buddhism and Human Suffering

The word “Dukkha” is used by the Buddha with regard to human suffering.  Dukkha is a cognitive conundrum for all conscious creatures. It’s the neurological conflict between intense cravings, and our inability to satiate those cravings. Though satisfaction may occur, it is only for a fleeting moment, and then another need arises.

Buddha referred to the cravings/needs cycle as “attachment”.  In psychology, this is known as the hedonic treadmill.

If peace is what we desire, detachment from “things” is required.

We are all fighting a neurological battle that has been forged by millions of years of natural selection. Our brain was hardwired in a much different world; food was scarce, safety was a concern, and reproduction was a must.

The drive for Survival and reproduction is ironically dependent on human suffering.  Because we suffer, we are never satisfied.  Because we are never satisfied, we stay motivated to survive and reproduce.

I believe the diagnosis is right on because it is supported by evolutionary biology.  The Buddha basically predicted what science has confirmed.

For example:

In my younger years, my expectations were unrealistic. I thought that buying_____ would make a long term difference in my state of mind. The reality showed me otherwise…the short term excitement (dopamine) was fleeting. It was at that point I realized that we always come back to a certain level of consciousness. (I.e. sad, up/down, content)                                                                                                                                                    

As Buddha pointed out...”If you’re not happy without, you won’t be happy with”

Owning a business has also taught me that suffering is necessary until “I” decide it’s not necessary. Becoming angry because someone didn’t show up to work only hurts me.  What’s happened has happened, and no amount of anger is going to change the present moment. The instant I become aware of this fact, suffering is no longer an issue.

The awareness of suffering is the recognition of primordial cravings in a modern world that has been created by natural selection. Dukkha is and will always be a cognitive conundrum for all conscious creatures.

Hence, the wisdom of Buddha and the irony of evolution.

 

 

 

 

 

Clarifying Thoughts

               “Know thyself. The unexamined life is not worth living”

                                                                                       ~ Socrates

 

~ Correcting Inaccurate Thoughts ~

 

See things, as they are… not worse.

Become the witness to the thoughts (internal dialogue). “You are not the voice in your head…you are the observer of the voice.”

The voice in your head is the ego…the ego is a pseudo reality. It’s a collection of consciousness created by our subjective perception of “our” world.

~ Emotional Awareness ~

Become aware of the emotions. (Thoughts-feelings-behaviors)

Stop using emotional reasoning.  

Intellect comes second to emotions.

We need to re-establish critical thinking with thoughts-feelings-actions.

Emotions are questionable and delude critical thinking.

~ Cognitive Distortions ~

Cognitive distortions are irrational thoughts that fuel your emotions.

Catastrophizing, all-or-nothing, overgeneralization, emotional reasoning, Fortune telling, and mind reading. 

 ~ Fighting Back ~  (Re-wiring the brain)

 Regain YOU!

 “We get what we settle for”

Disputing negative thoughts…correcting your thinking.  Awareness teaches you to make your mind work for you through critical thinking…not against you with emotional thoughts. Clarify and evaluate every thought.

Clarifying thoughts allows us to discern between what’s in our best interest, and what’s not. It’s important to note that our brain is indifferent to whether we have happy, meaningful lives. The main function of the brain is wired to have an insatiable appetite for survival and reproduction. This is a very important part of understanding behaviors when it comes to knowing who we are, and why we do what we do.

 

“The lives of many humans are governed by nothing more than the pleasure and pain that comes from the satisfaction and frustration of appetites. Appetites and reason are part of every human, but his or her character is revealed by which of the two dominates”

 

                                                                                    Aristotle

                                  

Privilege

“When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive — to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love” — Marcus Aurelius

                          

I’ve written before about my early morning walk and how it’s a blessing for the day.                 
(Early morning walk = fixed routine for my mornings)            

I’m up at 4:30, shower, make breakfast, and spend 10-15 minutes reading.  This sets in motion a calm, fueled, and purposeful beginning for the day.

“The way you do anything is the way you do everything”

Since that last blog, I have had many people ask what my choice of reading is. My reading predominately consists of non-fiction text pertaining to health, fitness, nutrition, psychology, philosophy, and neural science.                                                                                                                   

(I prefer the type of reading that creates gravitas within a person)

I would say my reading style is akin to Bible study… it's not a huge pile of books you never get to the end of, it's the repeated reading of small but important philosophical and scientific bodies of work. Books that remind you of things you've forgotten and want to change, noticing new things, reinterpreting old things in the light of new experiences, and a profound understanding in light of new scientific knowledge.

Re-reading a book is like stepping into a river…. You never touch the same water twice, because the flow that has passed will never pass again. People, like the river, are ever changing. Each time we read, we are not the same person who reads it again… therefore new knowledge/perspective is acquired on every reading.

We all have the same 24 hours in a day and we choose how we start it…so choose wisely. 

I promise you, the 10-15 minutes you set aside for your literary experience will not only add brightness to your day, but it will add peace, purpose and meaning to your life.

“Seize the day; enjoy the present, as opposed to placing all hope in the future”

 Carpe Deim

Distorted Mirror Syndrome (DMS)

 “Nothing is good or bad, but thinking you looks better or worse than you do, does make it bad”

                                                                                                                  ~ Shakespeare

Have you ever noticed, for the most part, men think they look better than they do while women think they look worse than they actually do. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had consults with couples where the men think they only needs to lose a few pounds, however, they believe their wives could take off about 20-30 Lbs.…."yep…. then she would be fine!”

If you find yourself in a DMS type relationship or work environment… don’t worry.

There is help.

What Are the Treatments for DMS?

Depending on the type and stage of DMS, treatments to eradicate the delusion or slow its growth may include some combination of psychotherapy, radical honesty, or a mirror placed in an unexpected located.

(Have you ever seen yourself in a mirror and thought, “Hey, who’s that fat guy”…and it turns out to be you?)

DMS Support

Supportive care from family’s and other mental professionals should accompany DMS treatment. The goal is to relieve pain from those who have to be around you, maintain a body that looks close to what you think it looks like, general health (for your friends), improve quality of life (for your friends), and provide emotional, and psychological, support to the DMS patients and the poor soul who are forced to be in the same work environment with them. Similar supportive treatment is also available to rehabilitate patients post DMS treatment.

Supportive Therapy

~ Most mainstream care is geared toward providing supportive treatment through the broad resources of a DMS treatment center (this is also for victims of friends). Complementary DMS therapies, which are generally provided outside a gym, can also provide supportive care.

 ~ Join support groups who are post DMS and now realistic about their bodies…this can provide relief from pain and other irreversible symptoms that come from delusional thinking.

~ Friends who don’t allow you to continue to lie to yourself.

~ Tailors…tailors can be helpful in making suggestions on appropriate clothing so you don’t embarrass your children or disgust your friends and family.

~Mirror therapy…the mirror is the way. Ironically, what created the delusion… repairs the delusion. (Remember to place mirror in unexpected locations…for the shock factor)

These are just a few suggestions that can fight this irrational disease for the DMS patient, and lead improved quality of life for friends, family members, and co-workers.

Together we can all fight this horrible neurosis.    

 “Keep in mind, we don’t always see things as they are…we see them the way we want to see them…please…don’t do that! “

                                                                                                        ~ Kelly

 

 

Are you ok? How bout those Cowboys!

“Most people tend to delude themselves into thinking that freedom comes from doing what feels good or what fosters comfort and ease. The truth is that people who subordinate reason to their feelings (deflect-my interpretation) of the moment are actually slaves of their desires and aversions. They are ill prepared to act effectively and nobly when unexpected challenges occur, as they inevitably will” ---Epictetus.  

 Psychology today defines deflection as, “the ignoring or turning away from an internal or external emotional issue in order to prevent full recognition.”

Deflection is the unyielding resistance between awareness and action in our quest for cognitive liberation.  Deflection is psychology’s preferred term because it describes the last moment at which we avoid direct contact in favor of a fragmented, less satisfying encounter with the desire we have been working towards.
Example…

The conversation seems too personal (hits too close to home), the relationship becomes too intense, the eye contact too direct, and the feelings too real…. so we deflect the full impact of reality and pretend to be satisfied with something less.
People who struggle with health and nutrition issues spend a lot of their time deflecting.  This can make it extremely difficult to help on many levels; people are misinformed about nutrition and content with their knowledge….they are unaware of the relationship/attachments they have associated with food and don’t want to talk about it, and never satisfied with what they have. They always want more without doing the specific work because it would require recognition of self.   

Deflectors have a hard time clarifying what they really want, or looking at their past history in an authentic way, so they frantically try to fill up the ever expanding void with materialistic objects or helpless personal conditions which prevent them from ever taking responsibility.                        (Existential vacuum and victimization)

Deflection forces us to make contact with our desires in a halfhearted, dampened down way, and so we always leave an experience with the vague feeling that we were cheated, or that there has to be something more. Since you unconsciously lie to yourself about the reason that your contact was unfulfilling, you are likely to project this feeling and blame on others; husband, wife, family, friends, job or government for a problem that really belongs to you.

Like all the issues we would like to change, deflection can also serve a vital function for the individual. Some memories are too painful and some realities too unacceptable. Deflection allows a person to not experience the painful/difficult moments in life. This pattern will always prohibit the true autonomy that one seeks on his or her journey toward enlightenment.

If cognitive liberation is what you seek, then facing internal and external issues are the most important step in personal transformation. (If you can’t face it, you can’t fix it).  Challenge yourself in a way that attacks the issues you avoid, rather than suppressing the delusional past. 

“Mindfulness is the art of mastering your life, not running away from it”

The next time you feel an emotion that triggers avoidance, ask yourself, “What’s the worst thing that can happen?”  You’ll find that the temporary pain of honest recognition is worth the lifelong contentment that emerges from a life lived acknowledging reality.

                          “It’s better to acknowledge the storm than to pretend it does not exist”

Thinking Consciously, Consciously Thinking

“Not to be able to stop thinking is a dreadful affliction, but we don't realize this because almost everyone is suffering from it, so it is considered normal. This incessant mental noise prevents you from finding that realm of inner stillness that is inseparable from Being”  - Eckhart Tolle

The Secret, Deepak Chopra, and many other self-help experts are growing in popularity based on the premise of “Awareness”.   These books have become THE answer to our inability to achieve happiness and peace in our lives. 

People use the words “Awareness” and “Mindfulness” much like the way we through around the word “Love”.  Unfortunately, from this perspective, an immature understanding is developed that clearly trivializes and undervalues what it truly means to become “Aware”.

Awareness is a real technique used in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for making fundamental discoveries about “who we are”, and “why we do what we do”.  It’s a great tool in understanding the true nature of the programed mind.

There is a thought pattern that creates the way we understand “our world” and everyone in it.  We perceive… we attach… an emotion arises… a behavior is evoked… followed by a (good/bad) consequence.

We take our “subjective view” (projection) as the “objective view” about the nature of reality.  We’re not aware of the fact that our “truths” are based on our “subjective experiences”.

As Cuban author Anais Nin once said, “We don’t see things as they are; we see them as we are”.

This sense of self is an illusion. Breaking through this illusion of self is more important than stress reduction of the other traditionally viewed benefits talked about by the authors above.

The enemy of mindfulness is being lost in thought. To be thinking without knowing you’re thinking. The problems are not the thoughts themselves, but the actual lack of intentional conscious thought that occurs.

(Most of us spend our entire lives thinking without knowing what we are thinking)

This autonomic thought process places a darkly colored veil over the present moment and distorts our lives with anxiety filled emotions which engineers our unhappiness and discontent. 

Think about it…most of what we think is quite unpleasant.  We’re judging ourselves, judging others… We create anticipatory anxiety from future thought, and have depression from regrets of the past.

Awareness of these unhealthy thoughts is a valuable tool for breaking through the deafening sounds of society.  It allows us to rise above the illusionary sense of self by observing the repetitive internal dialogue within ourselves. This, in and of itself, is extremely beneficial.

This type of awareness brings forth a whole new understanding to our experiences that we didn’t notice in the past.

Take anger for instance.  Instead of thinking about our emotion anger, we spend most of our time thinking about why we should be angry (he cut me off in traffic, I held the door open and she didn’t say a word, he didn’t return my call). 

We fail to question our beliefs regarding our behavior, so the internal conversation keeps this emotion in place much longer than needed.  If you’re mindful enough to interpret this conversation (he might be late for work, she's late for an important meeting, his phone isn’t charged), and simply witness the feeling of anger as it arises, you’ll find that you can’t be mad for more than a few moments at a time.

This is a matter of turning consciousness on itself. 

Eckhart Tolle had an interesting thought regarding this phenomenon…

"It is liberating to realize that the 'voice in my head' is not who I am.’  “Who am I, then?  The one who sees that.”

If you are sick and tired of your life…If you are at a point of readiness to change…If you are seeking the type of enlightenment that comes from the awareness of “who we are”, and “why we do what we do”….remember…it’s not about the trivial “doing a plan” or “doing meditation”.  It’s much, much more than that. It’s about USING these tools to quiet the noise long enough to hear the internal dialogue of doubt, negativity, and frustration that has clearly defined and created the person we’ve become to be… and the reasons we do what we do. 

 

“Know thy self; the unexamined life is not worth living”

                                                                         ~ Socrates

 

Perhaps

                        “I cried because I had no shoes until I saw a man with no feet”

                                                                                                           Buddha

 She doesn’t like me, Everyone looks at me when I walk in the gym, I’m never going to lose weight, what if I embarrass myself, What if he has a wreck, the weather is going to get really bad, this is the best I’ve ever had, this is the worst I’ve ever had, I’m always awkward, I’m a good person… bad things shouldn’t happen to me,  I “always’, “never”, or “ever”,  do a good enough job.

Statements like these are call cognitive distortions.  These distortions are based on flawed irrational thoughts which influence our emotions, leading to low self-esteem, depression, and extreme anxiety.
Sometimes, learning to consider alternative ways of viewing the events in our lives can be beneficial by reducing negative feelings and thoughts and learning to see the potential good, as well as the potential for a seemingly bad situation to not be all bad. This, of course, takes much practice, but is within everyone's reach.  (We perceive…believe…emotions…behavior…consequences)

                      “Men are disturbed not by things, but by the view which they take of them”

                                                                                        ~ Epictetus

 Perhaps (Buddhist parable)

Long ago in China there was an old farmer. With the same horse this old farmer had plowed and worked his land for many years when one day his horse suddenly ran away. As news of this reached his neighbors, the old farmer was met with sympathy. Neighbors visited throughout the day saying, "Wow, what bad luck to have your horse run away!"

The old farmer would think for a moment then say softly, "Perhaps..."

The next morning the old farmer awoke to find his horse had returned. With the horse were several wild horses who had apparently followed the horse home. Neighbors rejoiced, visiting the old farmer to express how happy they were for his sudden good fortune.

The old farmer would think for a moment then say softly, "Perhaps..."

Shortly after, the old farmer's son decided to try to ride one of the wild horses. Climbing on the horses back, the boy knocked the animal hard with his leg shouting for the horse to go. Startled, and probably a little annoyed, the horse flung the boy off its back. The old farmer's son broke his leg in the fall. Again, neighbors came to offer their sympathies for the misfortune, "What a horrible string of bad luck you're having!"

The old farmer would think for a moment then say softly, "Perhaps..."

The very next day, military officials came into the village with orders to draft young men into military service. As they went from home to home, rounding up young men, they made their way to the old farmer's house. Upon seeing the farmer's son with his broken leg they decided to move on, leaving the boy alone. Once again, neighbors came to share words of congratulations to the old farmer for the good fortune to have his son passed by.

And again, the old farmer would think for a moment then say softly, "Perhaps..."

 When the soul cries out, it is a sign that we have arrived at a necessary, mature stage of self-reflection. The secret is not to get stuck there dithering or wringing your hands, but to move forward by resolving to heal yourself. Philosophy asks us to move into courage. Its remedy is the unblinking excavation of the faulty and specious premises on which we base our lives and our personal identity.

                                                                                                                             ~ Epictetus