Accept rather than fight every little thing that happens. You don’t decide everything that happens to you, in fact, you control very little. Imagine that everything that happens happens specifically for you.
Wish for situations to happen as they do and your life will go smoothly. This mind set is of great help in the unpredictable modern world because it helps to stay calm in difficult situations, direct our thoughts, and choose the best (re)actions. It offers many useful strategies.
“We can either get bitter or better”
1. Use logic and reason. (First step is to calm the fight or flight mechanism)
- STOP (stop – take 3 deep breaths – observe the behavior – proceed with kindness)
- Count to 10 backwards (Deep breaths)
These techniques allow us to calm the amygdala (danger alert) so that the perceived information can be fully processed by the neo cortex (logic and reason).
What separate human beings from animals are our mental and social abilities (a mature frontal lobe). We have potential to apply reason to all our actions. We are able to think about our preferred action before we act. Awareness allows us to live in agreement with our nature by applying reason to our actions.
2. Live by virtue – Virtue is the highest of all goods. No matter what happens to us, we can always try to apply reason and choose to live in accord with virtue. Awareness provides us the opportunity to always try to do the right thing, it’s all that we control.
3. Acceptance - Focus on what you can control, accept what you can’t. All we control is our mind and the actions we choose to take. We can try our best, and accept all that happens because we don’t control it. If we get disturbed by what we don’t control, we become helpless victims. Radical acceptance is about accepting life on life’s terms and not resisting what you cannot change. Radical acceptance is about saying yes to life, just as it is.
"Do not seek for things to happen the way you want them to; rather, wish that what happens happen the way it happens: then you will be happy." - Marcus Aurelius,
5. Take action - The truly Awoke person actually lives by the ideas; he is a warrior of the mind. Today, many people learn and acquire knowledge only to store it in their mind. They forget the most important part: to live and practice the ideas.
6. Practice misfortune - This is a gem. Imagine potentially “bad” scenarios in advance and they won’t catch you by surprise, and you’ll be able to face them calmly and act according to virtue. Visualize “bad” before, and you’ll be able to take it much more calmly.
7. Stockdale paradox - You only control your actions but not the outcome. You can give your best but maybe it won’t bring the results you wanted. Choose to do your very best to succeed and simultaneously know and accept that the ultimate outcome is beyond your direct control.
“You must retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties. AND at the same time…You must confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be” - James Stockdale
8. Obstacles equal opportunities - How you perceive things is highly important. Everything that happens can be looked at as an opportunity. Even if it doesn’t go as you wish, you can always see “it” as a chance to practice virtue.
“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity” - Albert Einstein
The Obstacle is the Way – “The impediment to action advances action; what stands in the way becomes the way” – Marcus Aurelius
9. Mindful - You must bring your full awareness in your actions. Otherwise you act out of emotions instead of your rational decisions. Observe yourself and go through your daily actions before you go to bed so that you will make better decisions the next day.
When one becomes aware, you can often get misperceived being unemotional because you try not to act out of your emotions and you want to be indifferent to things you don’t control. This is a classic misconception. You feel emotions just like everybody else, but you are not enslaved by them. You don’t get overwhelmed by emotions and you act in a rational manner despite your emotions.
It’s not about not having emotions, it’s about the domestication of one’s emotions.
By using the methods listed above we do our best to direct every action for the common welfare of everyone.
Ultimate beauty lies in your character. It’s what you do and who you are that matter most.
“Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are”
- John Wooden
